What a fucking surprise. It took you this long to come to the conclusion that he’s never going to be a good dad?!

Stop pressuring him. Leave it alone. If you need to meddle in something to feel alive, help him get to therapy where he can work through his addiction, anger and abuse issues. Other than that, stay out of it.

You’ve already done enough.

As everyone has said the best way to help your granddaughter is to tell your son to calm down. Tell him to go through the courts if he wants to see his “daughter,” they will require another dna test. There’s no reason to force another one at this time. Tell him he needs to look into anger management/therapy/etc if he wants to have any positive interactions with his niece/daughter.

Most of all though. Leave this poor woman and child alone. She’s realizing he’s unstable. You still refuse to have any relationship with this child. Just leave them alone. The courts will handle your living son. With his history it’s doubtful even if he was the father that they’d grant him any custody rights.

If you truly do want to help your family, the very best thing you can do is get yourself into therapy, so you can find some peace and perspective.

Because the way you’re going about things now is going to make life harder for everyone. Your grandchild, your grandchild’s mother, your surviving son, and you.

You’re using this situation with your grandchild as a way to either hide from your grief or try to fix it, I don’t know which. And you can’t. It won’t work. It won’t bring your deceased son back, and it won’t make your surviving son into a good man. And it won’t help you stop hurting.

Please. Step away from this situation and get some help.