Your son chose his friends. People choose friends who are like them. They choose friends who do the things that they want to do. This is who your son is. He’s an abusive man who is sometimes suicidal. He’s a man who chooses to do illegal things and to hang out with other men who aren’t nice.

You need to quit mentioning DNA tests to your son. I realize you are now trying to prove your son isn’t the father but you would be further ahead to leave it alone. When your son brings up the idea of visitation you need to keep mentioning that he would have to go to court to get visitation and add that you don’t have any money for lawyers.

The only way your son is going to be a better man is if he decides to be better. Then he has to do the hard work of getting sober and he has to get a job which won’t be easy. He has to make himself into a decent man. Get him into counseling if you can. I’m guessing he has a lot of demons from his childhood that he needs to work through.

I’m coming in to this post not to feed the troll, but just to remind people who didn’t go through the entire original thread that the mother of the child and this LW’s live son have already AGREED that he shouldn’t be a part of this child’s life; that is to say, she’s not looking for support from him, and he’s not looking to pursue visitation or decision-making say-so. This woman is a sick and disturbed grandmother who believes that thrusting a child on her son — who has acknowledged he cannot be the parent this child needs and, again, is not demanding placement or custody — is going to somehow “cure” him of his issues, to the point where she was prepared to withheld emotional/financial/etc. support as he worked on his sobriety. We can quibble about whether it’s beneficial or not to have the child’s mother move the court to establish a child support order (since visitation will be tied to it), but frankly I think it’s commendable for the guy to recognize that he’s not in a healthy place to be around this child and to be mature enough to have this conversation with the mother and come to an agreement with her. So I think the attacks on the son are a little unnecessary here because he’s not the one picking this particular fight, you know?

I’ll repost what I wrote in the other thread:
“It’s not her child. It’s just not. And nothing upsets me more as a lawyer who regularly takes cases like this in juvenile and family court than to see grandparents trying to claim that “they know better than the parents.” It reeks of condescension. And, honestly, this LW doesn’t want the child to SUPPORT the child; she wants the child so she can “start fresh,” so she can SAY she has the child. That’s disgusting to me. Again, the presumed parents — and by that I mean the mother and the son who has been identified as the father — have agreed on the healthiest way to raise the child for the time being, and she needs to honor that whether she likes it or not. The fact that she won’t is harmful to the child, and it’s inexcusable. Period. Point blank.”