Dear Wendy

Leslie, I have vertigo! It’s terrible. It started in the spring for me. I had it so bad yesterday while on the subway that I had to get out and walk the two miles home bc I felt so nauseous on the subway.

Ha, I have close friends who are a few years older and talk about their hot flashes and other symptoms, so I knew a little bit. I shared a room last spring on weekend trip with one friend who’s 51 and she brought a lil fan with her that she kept on her nightstand and turned on high speed all night. She said once peri started a few years earlier, she never traveled anywhere without a fan, even if it meant carrying it on the plane in a carryon bag.

Yeah, it feels counterintuitive to open a window when it’s 20 degrees outside but it sure helps. I forgot to open a window before I fell asleep last night so Drew opened one before he went to bed. He woke up this morning exclaiming how cold it was in the room – I was not cold at all! – and it made me feel grateful he’s sacrificing his own comfort so I can sleep (which, let’s face it, benefits him too. Having a chronically sleep-deprived wife has to be a lil miserable).

I do sweat a bit, but definitely the bigger symptom is feeling like my body is a furnace and overheating on the inside. I have friends a few years older who sweat so much at night that they soak their sheets. That’s not happening to me (yet). But, man, last week was the worst I ever had it: seven nights in a row feeling like I was going to just explode I felt so hot. Then I finally opened a damn window and the relief was immediate. Started my period the next day too (five days late and after almost a week of spotting; I was crossing my fingers I might have my first month of a skipped period but nah. That’s still the one big peri symptom I’m waiting on. I’ve had two periods in one month several times and 10-day long periods followed by 2-day periods the next month but still no skipped month).

I’ve been sleeping with a window open every night since I made the amazing discovery that I could do that, and have not been hot at all and have been sleeping well.

Oh, I missed these when you posted. You look great! Thanks for sharing. I can definitely see a difference.

Yeah, something weird is going on. At the very least, he’s being controlling, mean, and irrational. This cannot continue. Counseling could help. But you might want to think about a trial separation too. This might mean selling the house you just bought or renting it out and each of you living somewhere else, separately. I know that’s not a decision one jumps to, but I think this should be something to very seriously consider if things aren’t pretty significantly better or on a steep positive trajectory in six months. The way your husband is treating you isn’t the way a loving partner treats a spouse. You shouldn’t tolerate it anymore.