Dear Wendy
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Yeah, I’m confused about why its such a big deal that you go from 2-3 days to 5 days a week working from home. I wondered if jealousy is part of it and I also wonder if he’s doing something at home on those days you’re at work that he doesn’t want you to know about? Is that at all possible? Does he work at home at all, or come home during the day (like for lunch) or get home earlier than you or leave later? I could maybe see if having his alone time routine disrupted might be upsetting if he really needs that time for his well being.
Ooh, I’d like to see your before and after pics! I really hate the hollows under my eyes and if I ever did any kind of injection, it would like be a tiny bit of filler in those spots. But I’m pretty nervous about doing anything like that, so I don’t know.
Yeah, need more details here. In general, it’s become pretty common over the last three years for people to work from home at least some of the time, and for people to convert a space or room in their homes to office use or to even rent an office somewhere or join one of those shared office space coops. If turning part of your home – and why “his” home? – into an office bugs your husband so much (and he may well have good reason for this), it’s worth discussing with your boss reimbursement for an alternative near your home.
👍🏼
Copa, how often would you need to get the under eye filler done in order to maintain the results?
Am I losing my mind? I could’ve sworn I left a comment here – about trying L’Oreal True Match – but now I don’t see it?
Anyway, at the risk of repeating myself: I got the L’oreal True Match after you all were talking about it and I tried it this morning and I like it! I’ve worn foundation a handful of times in the past 30 years – I hate the way it feels and don’t like the way it looks on me – but something made me think this stuff would feel more like moisturizer than makeup and it does! It’s very sheer and lightweight, which I love, and the coverage is good. Not sure I’ll wear it daily but I like it as an option for when I want to look a little more pulled together than my everyday look (which is generally pretty pulled-together anyway, just with no foundation of any kind, usually).
I also haven’t had any botox or filler and doubt I will – I’m already 46 – but never say never, I guess. I did get some laser treatment on my freckles/ sun spots a few years ago. I guess its been four years now. And I’m so glad I did that and I would definitely do it again if I feel the need. I’d also like to get my teeth whitened but I do a thing at home that I got from my dentist and required getting a mold made of my mouth. I’m supposed to do this treatment – it’s a five day treatment, one hour each night – every six months and it’s probably been 18 months since I last did it and I can tell. I gotta do it this week, for real.
I don’t get my hair colored and I rarely every get my nails do. But I do get a good haircut every 3 months or so and I wear make-up nearly every day, even if I don’t go anywhere, I just like to wear it. I don’t wear foundation though; I hate foundation.
All the letters I received this week have been from men jealous about their partner’s sexual past and I’m curious why. Was my site linked to on some men’s site? I can’t find indication of that in my analytics. Is there just something in the air? I don’t know.
Anyway, LW, your wife is right that her sexual past from literally over FIVE decades ago isn’t your business. And you aren’t “paying for her sins.” What sins? Enjoying her life before she met you? Lying to you about the extent of her enjoyment before she met you? I’m not a Christian (though I was raised as one so have some understanding), so I guess that’s part of our differences here, but I don’t consider having sex before marriage a sin, sorry. If you do and if this is such a big sticking point that it’s eating you up and you can’t function inside your marriage, you probably should pursue some kind of religious counseling.
I’m not an expert in Christianity – and I’m assuming you must be a practicing Christian or why would you consider your wife’s sexual past a “sin”? – but I would imagine that it would be pointed out to you that you are not without sin either, and that the whole point of Jesus dying on a cross was for christians to seek forgiveness and eternal salvation and all that. You can’t rate sins. You can’t say that her “sins” are any worse than all the sins you’ve committed or that your pain is any worse than pain you’ve caused her.
At any rate, since you are the one writing to me and you are the one who says he has retroactive jealousy OCD and who is obsessing about images you’ve created in your head to depict scenes from over 50 years ago and not a day passes that you don’t imagine these scenes – that you were never a part of and had nothing at all to do with – I highly suggest you continue with counseling. Your reaction here is what is really destructive, not your wife’s behavior or even her not being open about her behavior from over 50 years ago.
Glad you were able to get a train out of town, KT!
And I hope that Robert, wherever he is, is enjoying some Christmas lights.
So sorry for your loss, RangerChic. Losing a beloved animal family member is just awful. I’m glad your daughter was with you and you didn’t have to go through it alone. Sending healing thoughts your way.
Agree with Kate. The content and tone of your response to her when she said that her will specifies that your daughter would go to her parents upon her death is weird. but so is her saying that she doesn’t want you raising your daughter. Something is going on here and it may be a combination of her postpartum hormones plus her cancer side effects (both physical and emotional) or there may be something between you that you aren’t articulating in your letter here. Either way, it sounds like you need some open, honest conversations and maybe the help and guidance of a professional – ideally a therapist who specializes in trauma responses, chronic illness, and/or couples counseling.
Oh, no, Copa, I hope you get lucky and avoid catching it so you can complete the marathon!
With kids in school, I’ve accepted that they’re going to bring covid home at least once this school year, but I just keep my fingers crossed it’s not at a time that would disrupt any important plans (like my sister’s wedding in a month). A marathon would be up there too! good luck!
