Dear Wendy
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All the letters I received this week have been from men jealous about their partner’s sexual past and I’m curious why. Was my site linked to on some men’s site? I can’t find indication of that in my analytics. Is there just something in the air? I don’t know.
Anyway, LW, your wife is right that her sexual past from literally over FIVE decades ago isn’t your business. And you aren’t “paying for her sins.” What sins? Enjoying her life before she met you? Lying to you about the extent of her enjoyment before she met you? I’m not a Christian (though I was raised as one so have some understanding), so I guess that’s part of our differences here, but I don’t consider having sex before marriage a sin, sorry. If you do and if this is such a big sticking point that it’s eating you up and you can’t function inside your marriage, you probably should pursue some kind of religious counseling.
I’m not an expert in Christianity – and I’m assuming you must be a practicing Christian or why would you consider your wife’s sexual past a “sin”? – but I would imagine that it would be pointed out to you that you are not without sin either, and that the whole point of Jesus dying on a cross was for christians to seek forgiveness and eternal salvation and all that. You can’t rate sins. You can’t say that her “sins” are any worse than all the sins you’ve committed or that your pain is any worse than pain you’ve caused her.
At any rate, since you are the one writing to me and you are the one who says he has retroactive jealousy OCD and who is obsessing about images you’ve created in your head to depict scenes from over 50 years ago and not a day passes that you don’t imagine these scenes – that you were never a part of and had nothing at all to do with – I highly suggest you continue with counseling. Your reaction here is what is really destructive, not your wife’s behavior or even her not being open about her behavior from over 50 years ago.
Glad you were able to get a train out of town, KT!
And I hope that Robert, wherever he is, is enjoying some Christmas lights.
So sorry for your loss, RangerChic. Losing a beloved animal family member is just awful. I’m glad your daughter was with you and you didn’t have to go through it alone. Sending healing thoughts your way.
Agree with Kate. The content and tone of your response to her when she said that her will specifies that your daughter would go to her parents upon her death is weird. but so is her saying that she doesn’t want you raising your daughter. Something is going on here and it may be a combination of her postpartum hormones plus her cancer side effects (both physical and emotional) or there may be something between you that you aren’t articulating in your letter here. Either way, it sounds like you need some open, honest conversations and maybe the help and guidance of a professional – ideally a therapist who specializes in trauma responses, chronic illness, and/or couples counseling.
Oh, no, Copa, I hope you get lucky and avoid catching it so you can complete the marathon!
With kids in school, I’ve accepted that they’re going to bring covid home at least once this school year, but I just keep my fingers crossed it’s not at a time that would disrupt any important plans (like my sister’s wedding in a month). A marathon would be up there too! good luck!
The Whitney biennial is happening through October 16 – that might be fun to check out.
Ooh, MoMA is my fave and right in midtown. The Met and the Whitney are always great. And I always enjoy the museum or art and design, followed by a walk in Central Park.
Brooklyn has the Brooklyn Museum (in my neighborhood) that people love. Not sure it’s worth a commute though if you won’t be nearby already or the current exhibits don’t interest you.
Yeah, that was my impression when they were advertised to me on instagram and I took the bait and glad I did.
Feel better soon!
Re. Flats: I recently bought a pair of Birdies to wear in lieu of heels for dressier outfits and they’re really cute and comfortable. Maybe check them out if you haven’t yet?
Just yesterday I had to send a photo of my drivers license to someone and it made me think about how the photo on the license is 15 years old. I had it renewed in summer 2020 when everything was still virtual and the old photo was automatically used for the new one, or I would’ve gotten a new photo. Also, my headshot on this website is like 11 years old now, too. But seems silly to update that one at this point.
Thanks, everyone! Drew got Paxlovid and it’s helping a lot. I’m not on any meds but am feeling better today. Still a strong positive line on the rapid test I took this morning. Jackson’s positive line is a lot lighter today. My dad, whom I haven’t seen since April, tested positive yesterday too. He started anti-virals right away and they seem to be working well. My mom was negative on a rapid but getting a PCR this morning. We’re supposed to visit them in 13 days, so the timing here is pretty good – I won’t have to worry about bringing covid to them as I was starting to get concerned about, and hopefully everyone will be all better by the time we fly out.
