Dear Wendy
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Hey Mark, it might be good for your mental health to step away from the internet or at least this site for a bit? I get that you’re infuriated that people who are following the news are scared and that all the hysteria is disrupting your life in really big ways and you’re worried.
I don’t want to argue about why the aggressive life changes being implemented are justified and really necessary And that no one takes any of this lightly or is clueless about the impact all of this is going to have on the most vulnerable among us – financially vulnerable and physically vulnerable. So if you want to argue, please go elsewhere for that. Or else let’s agree to disagree and hope to God in two weeks you can tell us all you told us so – the hysteria was ridiculous after all and totally unwarranted because this was no big deal because so few people died.
Also, my kids are starting to freak out despite our efforts to minimize our own anxiety around them and act like this is NBD. Jackson is in third grade and the kids have been talking about the virus for a couple weeks. He keeps telling his sister, who’s in pre-k and doesn’t really understand what’s happening on the same level he does, that lots of people are dying. We keep telling them that most people who get the virus are fine, they don’t die, they get a little sick and then they get better, and kids are not even getting sick at all let alone dying. But Jackson, who is prone to anxiety, is still freaking out. He doesn’t want to leave the house now, even to go for a walk in the park. That is a change since yesterday afternoon when he was happy to go to the (empty, wide-open) park and ride his bike a little. We’re only on day two of being home together and the kids are already fighting and being testy with each other. Joanie keeps asking if her grandparents (my parents) are going die.
I hate this!
Thank you for starting this thread; I hope you don’t mind, but I changed the title a little to reflect a broader scope of coping with the pandemic. I’ve also pinned it to the top of the forums so it’s easy for people to find. Let’s use this thread to share our ideas for staying stimulated at home, keeping our kids entertained and educated, and how to cope with the anxieties, fears, and frustrations many of us are and will be feeling. Humor is also welcome! We’re all in this together, guys, and we WILL get through.
I called one of my close friends last night who is a primary care nurse at a VA clinic in chicago. They are building an emergency clinic to treat the ill when they arrive (no confirmed cases yet, but they know it’s coming). She’s receiving training, including how to suit up in the hazmat like suit she’ll have to wear to treat covid patients. They have thousands of patients, most of whom are in high risk categories, and she’ll be on the frontlines treating them. I’m worried!
So sorry, MG.
I haven’t followed this thread as closely as others so I may be confused about some details, but my understanding is that your fiancé was living at home with his parents and sister when you two started dating and for most of your early relationship. Then he moved in with you and when you decided you wanted to get married, he suggested you wait six months so as not to step on his sister’s toes since she’d just gotten engaged. And then when the six months were up, he proposed but and pretty much agreed to whatever you wanted, wedding-wise, until his sister expressed rage, at which point, he just sort of cowered and let you deal with it. Is that right? And you are really, really angry at his sister, who I guess lives near you all (meaning, your lives are going to be intertwined, whether you like it or not) and saying you’re going to skip her wedding come hell or high water and the first month of your engagement has been stressful and miserable because of her, and, I’m just saying there’s a lot here to unpack. A month is a teeny drop in the bucket when you’re talking about a lifetime together. This is going to be your family, and it sounds like it’s a family that has not established clear boundaries as four independent adults. And some of that – a lot of that, really – is on your fiancé. Counseling can help address some of this. The pre-nup suggestion is based solely on the fact that he was living at home as an adult to save money and then moved directly in with you, without time in between to be financially independent and you should just protect yourself.
So: no, not doomed. But there are some wrinkles here that need a little ironing before you legally tie yourself to your fiancé and, by extension, his family.
Ok, interesting. That explains some stuff. Definitely get some pre-marital counseling. I’d get a pre-nup, too.
She’s 30+ and still lives at home with her parents? Just out of curiosity, did your fiance live at home with his parents into adulthood, too? That could explain some of the dynamics at play here.
I hope you’ll try to get pregnant in time to announce it at her wedding reception (which you should definitely go to).
Yeah, yikes. I can’t believe you’d complain about a gift that someone was gracious enough to give you (on top of attending a shower!).
Yeah, so if it’s a get-together with “no expectations for gifts,” are you still calling it a shower? The whole point of a shower is to shower gifts on the honoree so it might confuse ppl to say “no gifts.” Or maybe you just want an engagement party? I don’t understand engagement parties like at all (even less than showers) but if you call it an engagement party, that probably reduces the likelihood of getting unwanted gifts.
How many showers are you going to have?
My family is also from Missouri and I also got married in my 30s. I was the oldest of any of the women in my extended family to get married and, to my knowledge the first – and so far only – woman not to have a bridal shower. I just didn’t want one and I said so and that was that. You honestly don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I couldn’t have imagined having a party thrown for me that I didn’t actually want – not when it’s work and expense for other people; I just don’t see the point! But, yeah, if you have a shower, people gonna be bringing gifts. Just do a registry with stuff at various price points – maybe you want to upgrade sheets or kitchenware or something. You can also do pricier gifts, like say a Roomba, that multiple people can contribute to. I personally wouldn’t do a honeymoon registry but I’ve seen them done before and have contributed to them and, like, whatever.
But, really, if you don’t want a shower, just tell the people who offered that you so appreciate their offer but since you’re 35 or however old you are, you don’t really need the stuff that a traditional shower sets you up with and that you can’t wait to celebrate with everyone at your wedding.
Showers seem so outdated to me. I can’t believe they’re still so popular!
Fun fact: we rent our backyard to the restaurant next door to us and they throw weddings back there at least every other week. I can sit on my bed, which overlooks the garden, and see and hear everything out the window (without anyone seeing me). I took notes on wedding toasts since I had to give one a few weeks ago at my bff’s wedding, and I love seeing what everyone wears and the different ways different cultures celebrate (last week there was an asian wedding, the week before that a lesbian wedding, and the week before that a Jewish wedding). Some of the weddings are around brunch time, most are late afternoon/early evening. Almost no one gets a chair.
