Dear Wendy
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Kate’s right. Looking younger doesn’t equal better. Also, this whole, “I look younger than I am” thing is a little tired. I’ve been told my entire adult life that I look younger than I am — I had a baby face until my early 30s, and as I said, it’s only in the last few years that people don’t act really surprised when I tell them my age. Occasionally, I still get the ‘You don’t look 40’ comments. Actually, I do. This is what 40 looks like now. At least, if you’ve lived a life that’s been moderately comfortable and you take minimum care of yourself.
And, really, does 30 look that different from 26? No. And 35 doesn’t look that different than 30. And at 40, no one is going to call me a liar if I say I’m 35. When someone tells you you look a few years younger than you are, they’re just trying to flatter you, because really, there’s no discernible difference between 27 and 32. Now, if you’re 40 and people are regularly telling you you look 27, that might mean something. But, being told you look 3-5 years younger than you are? Eh. Just flattery. Because we’re told over and over and over than looking younger is the best, and so, when you’re meeting someone new and you want to ingratiate yourself, you say that person looks younger. And so many of us eat that up.
Also, it’s not really true — that women age better than men. I look among my peers — you know, we’re middle-aged… — and the men usually have aged better than the women, especially when kids are in the picture.
Don’t sweat it, LadyE. I don’t think you, or anyone else for that matter, meant to say anything offensive at all. I only know you online, but from what I can tell, you’re a kind, loving person.
But… yeah, some of these comments (yours included) did come across as a little judgmental. And i think if the tables were turned and we were hearing about a group of men discussing women in terms of how they age and the toll aging takes on their looks, we’d be pretty bummed out. I wanted to point that out, not so much to point fingers or embarrass anyone, but to give some food for thought.
Have fun!
ugh — coming home to messes after being away is the worst. We had to have all our rugs steam cleaned in october when we came back to Missouri to two sick cats. Not as bad as pissing up a wall and ceiling, though. Sorry, Mark.
Kmen, what about men in their mid to late 30s? If you’re 32, I’d think a man who’s 36 or 37 or even 38 could potentially be a wonderful match for you. Probably more so than the average 28-year-old (of course, there are exceptions though!).
I hear what you’re saying LadyE. Nothing wrong with a young 30-something woman not wanting to date men in their 50s and 60s. If there was a comment along those lines, I may have missed it. I did see a comment a couple pages back that said that on average, men don’t spend the “money, time, and consideration on moisturizing and skincare” that most women do and that by their late 30s, that’s starting to show. So… yeah, to me, that read as judging men’s looks — men who are in their late 30s. If a group of men said something similar about women, I can imagine how most of us would (rightfully) be really turned off, if not outraged. I mean I *have* heard men talk that way about women — how by the time women hit their late 30s their metabolism slows down, and it really shows. Same thing. Both equally offensive, if you ask me.
Ok, well, the comments that I read focused on age — like, literal ages — and not on how some guys don’t look like they take basic care of themselves. And, honestly, if we were a group of men talking about women in their late 30s/ early 40s and how it’s a good thing when they don’t actually look her age, lol, it would sound sexist as fuck. If I heard men discussing women the way I’ve heard some commenters here discuss men, it would really upset me and I’d speak up.
Yeah, when I was 32, everyone always told me I looked 25. Hell, I still get carded sometimes and I’m fucking 40 years old. And I think, most of the time, I look it. No one is surprised anymore when I tell them my age. Having babies, losing a shit ton of sleep, worrying about your kids, worrying about your aging parents and in-laws, dealing with health issues — all this stuff that often starts happening in your mid-30s — seriously takes a toll on your looks. Men and women. I look at pictures of myself from five years ago and think I’ve aged 10. Drew, too. But, the experiences we’ve had over these last few years have made us stronger, more compassionate people.
Aging really isn’t that awful. If I were in my 30s and single, I’d take a kind, compassionate, has-hit-shit-together man in his mid-40s who looked it over some dorky 33-year-old still trying to figure out what he wants to be when he grows up ANY damn day.
Ok, sorry I have to jump in on the whole age thing. As a 40-year-old woman, married to a 46-year-old guy, I’m actually kind of offended by these “thank god he doesn’t middle-aged… EW” remarks, as if looking 40 is the worst thing.
Let me set you all straight: My husband is fucking AWESOME and the whole lot of you would be damn lucky to have a guy as sweet, attentive, emotionally and physically available, funny, who is a true feminist, paying attention to you. Sure, maybe 46 is too old for some of you in terms of life stages. But that’s not what you’re talking about. You’re talking about looks, and how, thank god, some of these old men who are showing interest in you don’t actually look their ages. You’re talking about looks, and I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: looks really don’t mean that much. Some of you have been single and looking for ages. You complain about all these head cases you’ve gone out with (or just texted with before realizing they were head cases). You want stable, awesome guys who might actually be interested in monogamy and commitment (or at least commitment)? Get over the need to have the hottest hunk around. You’d be surprised, when you give yourself permission to be seen with someone who doesn’t turn everyone’s heads, how amazingly happy you can be…
Speaking of rockford peach costumes, how adorable is this??
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-LLSdU6ruGJk/WA94C0okh3I/AAAAAAAAGqw/KnOk4jRPNBAdK6_-y3atC_b20LT1EY5gwCLcB/s1600/DSC_0322.JPG
Adrian Brody is hot but supposedly an enormous douchebag. Tine Fey is rumored to have said that he was the biggest asshole ever to host SNL during her tenure. Just an interesting tidbit.
Listen, I know your type. That guy — the smarmy guy with the big nose — was my type, too. Still is. If I see that guy on the subway, I always do a double-take. And it’s not even about looks, exactly. There’s just something magnetic about the guy who we think deep down is going to treat us like shit. It took me a while to get over that guy and move on to gentlemen.
Anyway, I hope you find what you’re looking for. Or, actually, maybe what you *aren’t* looking for… Best thing I ever did was go on a blind date with a guy a friend set me up with whom I probably would not have picked out for myself. He wasn’t my physical type, but it turns out my friend knew much better than I did what I should have been looking for all along.
