Dear Wendy

Yeah, I don’t blame you. Sounds pretty toxic!

Drew handles all the money stuff, which I’m really grateful for because I’m bad at that stuff. We have retirement funds and investments and a financial advisor he speaks with quarterly to help manage all that. Then, we have two shared savings and checking accounts that we each have access to but one is his and one is mine. We can easily transfer money between the two, and do on occasion. My income has varied greatly over the past 12 years since I became self-employed, so what I contribute to has also varied, but in flush years, my income has paid for all the groceries, childcare, house cleaning every two weeks, some vacations, and most of my “fun” expenses (drinks with friends, concert tickets, etc), and maintenance (like haircuts). In less flush years, like since the pandemic started, just house cleaning and my personal expenses.

I’ve always thought of myself as a self-employed part-time worker and basically a full-time SAHM. Between professional house cleaning every two weeks, I do 95% of the cleaning, most of the laundry, most of the cooking, and tedious things like cleaning out the kids’ closets (getting rid of clothes they’ve outgrown, buying new clothes) and maintaining their social and extracurricular schedules. Since Drew started working from home two years ago, he pitches in a bit more around the house and with the kids (he’s so active with the kids). We feel like we’re in a really good place as far as division of labor and expenses. Drew working from home has been a game-changer for us. He saving 7 1/2 hours each week not commuting anymore. It’s wonderful. But, he would be fucking psyched if I suddenly started making a lot of money. I can’t imagine that will ever happen with my skills set, but he would be 100% on board.

Leslie, I have vertigo! It’s terrible. It started in the spring for me. I had it so bad yesterday while on the subway that I had to get out and walk the two miles home bc I felt so nauseous on the subway.

Ha, I have close friends who are a few years older and talk about their hot flashes and other symptoms, so I knew a little bit. I shared a room last spring on weekend trip with one friend who’s 51 and she brought a lil fan with her that she kept on her nightstand and turned on high speed all night. She said once peri started a few years earlier, she never traveled anywhere without a fan, even if it meant carrying it on the plane in a carryon bag.

Yeah, it feels counterintuitive to open a window when it’s 20 degrees outside but it sure helps. I forgot to open a window before I fell asleep last night so Drew opened one before he went to bed. He woke up this morning exclaiming how cold it was in the room – I was not cold at all! – and it made me feel grateful he’s sacrificing his own comfort so I can sleep (which, let’s face it, benefits him too. Having a chronically sleep-deprived wife has to be a lil miserable).

I do sweat a bit, but definitely the bigger symptom is feeling like my body is a furnace and overheating on the inside. I have friends a few years older who sweat so much at night that they soak their sheets. That’s not happening to me (yet). But, man, last week was the worst I ever had it: seven nights in a row feeling like I was going to just explode I felt so hot. Then I finally opened a damn window and the relief was immediate. Started my period the next day too (five days late and after almost a week of spotting; I was crossing my fingers I might have my first month of a skipped period but nah. That’s still the one big peri symptom I’m waiting on. I’ve had two periods in one month several times and 10-day long periods followed by 2-day periods the next month but still no skipped month).

I’ve been sleeping with a window open every night since I made the amazing discovery that I could do that, and have not been hot at all and have been sleeping well.