bloodymediocrity

You wrote over 1500 words about what a terrible boyfriend he is. And they are all legitimate. He sounds like a terrible boyfriend. What is the hesitation?

Going forward, you need to have dealbreaker red flags and then act on them when they come up. Here’s some suggestions:

– Doesn’t want you travel without him
– Cheats and lies to you
– Makes you feel bad about yourself
– Belittles your passions
– Makes you feel like you’re “not empowering women”
– Makes fun of your lack of friends
– Doesn’t empower you to make other friends

These are all dealbreakers on their own, and yet you’ve tolerated every single one.

It sounds like to me you’re socially isolated, which his actions have certainly affected, but it sounds like you struggle socially without him. This is where your focus should be once you get the nerve to ditch this dork. It’s important to have reliable friends outside of your significant other. I think you’re afraid that this guy has some sort of power social capital (“…I would never make it as a tattoo artist without him because I don’t know anyone & he would bring me all of my clients.”), but guys who talk like this have casual acquaintances at best and lame friends. If you’ll break up, I’m willing to be you’ll get a lot of “I liked you better anyways”.

A money focused construction worker who is a part time DJ ain’t all that.

I think you can have a gender-neutral conversation with your mother that you’re not comfortable knowing about the details of her dating life. I think that’s a reasonable request

You do have to accept that your mother is actively dating, and you need to unpack why the gender of the person she is dating seems to matter so much to you.

I think your mom would benefit from enlisting the help of a family therapist to help her kids adjust to the new status quo. But you do need to accept that you do not have a way to “stop or discourage her” from dating women, seriously or otherwise.

Yeah, you’re absolutely not over reacting at all.

Your fiancee had shown you who he is. He’s more concerned about what his garbage dad thinks than you are.

I don’t know that this is fixable without years of therapy.

Be grateful this happened before the wedding.

Good point about the anxiety @Copa

A lot of times anxiety gets redirected to something that’s easier to worry about than what the actual source of stress is. That is what my first thought with this letter is. It’s easier to worry about your boyfriend’s grades than it is to reflect on if you are actually happy in this long-distance relationship.

One thing I think you’ll discover more as time goes on and you have your healing journey with a professional is that your forgiveness you feel with your mother will wear out. Your mother is absolutely as culpable as your father for not protecting you and your siblings. She’s made her position to you that your gross-ass father is more important to her than her children. She’s made this clear with her words, her actions, and her in-action.

By letting your dad verbally abuse his daughters, she’s effectively endorsing them. Keeping a relationship with your mother will bring you nothing but pain until you have years of therapy under your belt.

I’m sorry that this is reality. You don’t deserve the treatment they’ve given you and your siblings.

“Like bruh, did u think a 12-14 yr old would just waltz into the forum lol.”

Yeah, I absolutely did. It’s not unheard of.

There are plenty of advice seekers of all ages. While I don’t know the youngest I’ve encountered, I’ve encountered 11 and 12 year olds seeking advice on other sites. I think you’re underestimating how internet savy kids can be and how unsupervised many of them are.