bloodymediocrity
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@Copa It seems like that’s the way it goes. Hiring managers know the internal person they want to promote, but jump through the hoops of interviewing outside candidates anyways. Hiring in this day and age is a stupid joke.
@Rangerchic It’s almost like our entire medical system is structured around preventing workers from trying to get better jobs or working independently by directly tying our employment to our physical wellbeing!
Saw the name change just like @Moneypenny and decided to finally comment in this thread. Especially since it’s now official…This thread officially lasted longer than my marriage. I’m officially divorced now, apparently (I haven’t gotten official notification yet but apparently my ex did).
I’m doing really well overall but slowly coming to terms with how bad things have really been and how much I’ve turned a blind eye to. Yikes. I thought initially I’d be able to remain friends and on good terms but I’m thinking now that’s not going to be the healthiest option for me.
So if anyone wants to find me an “awesome date” help me out!*
(see how I brought it all full circle?)
*not actually ready for dating yet
I’m sure Jeff is long gone now, but I wanted to point out something in case he’s still poking around
It was you who perceived Anonymousse and Kate’s early posts as aggressive, when they really weren’t. They were direct with you and straight to the point, which you saw as seen as aggressive because of how women are typically socialized to cater toward men’s feelings. You responded even more aggressively and escalated things.
This behavior is exactly the kind that women are wary of and why consent is a tricky issue: You never know how a man is going to react to a woman being direct. You reacted like you were being attacked and got defensive.
I have serious doubts you would have reacted that way if Ron or I had given you the exact same comments.
As men/AMAB, I think it’s a good idea when interacting with women that we recognize that every woman we speak to has likely had a great deal of terrible interactions with men. I assume that until I’ve proven otherwise, I’m seen as a potential threat. Assume that without enthusiastic consent you’re applying too much pressure, because women typically are socialized to say yes in place of possibly hurting a man’s feelings, because when men’s feelings are hurt they can become dangerous.
It’s not that all men are dangerous, but any man has that potential, so it may as well be all men.
I think the podunk comment was in response to this comment.
“I don’t think hooking up on a first date should be any real indicator of intent… it should be one of interest. But that’s just me and that’s where I come from on this having… grown up in NYC I guess.”
I took it similarly to how Anonymousse did.
Since no one else has brought it up, I’d like to propose another possibility of why things turned for the worse on this date: Maybe your date was not feeling the sexual connection with you and it changed her perspective on how the date went.
You’re allowed to draw whatever boundaries you want, but I can’t be the only one that thinks “installing accountability software” is a major privacy violation.
Going forward, you need to be very upfront at the beginning of a relationship that “no pornography” is a hard line for you, and be very clear what you define pornography as because even that definition is going to change person-to-person. For example, is it just videos of sexual acts? Is it pornography if it’s only one person in underwear? Is a thirst-trap heavy Instagram account pornography? Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition? Sears Catalog? Is it cheating if he fantasizes about anyone else?
Be prepared for this to be a deal-breaker for a lot of guys.
I concur with everyone else. This is not your conversation to have with this person.
I’m more replying because the issue with the site entering login seems to be worsening. Before I logged in the, name field not only populated “@Anonymousse”, it actually seemed to populate her Email Address? I can’t confirm that without publishing the email address that came up, but I thought I would bring it up since it seems like a pretty big security concern.
Agree with the others – your friend is being a misogynist twit.
I just wanted to add that there could be other reasons the marketing person isn’t doing physical labor. They could have unseen physical issues that could be exasperated by doing manual labor. That shouldn’t be something they have to disclose. It’s also probably not a good use of their time.
Men don’t usually sleep with women they want to be friends with. He wants to cool the relationship but wants to be able to take it for a spin every once in awhile. He’s using you.
@Anon – Really feel like you’re being way too harsh on the OP. Let’s remove the cousins thing for a moment and just pretend that this is someone she isn’t related to that she kissed once and then became very good friends with after the fact. Neither of them have made had any real romantic overtures after the one kiss. Would you still advocate for her to cut the friend out of her life to appease a jealous boyfriend?
Cousins or not, that’s BS in my book.
This is the best kind of problem because you don’t have to do anything.
Your daughter is 25. She should be making these decisions on her own by now. You can offer to help, but you can’t take it personally that she wants to be independent.
At 25 she should be able to choose an apartment and a vehicle on her own.
The more you try to force yourself into her life, the harder she’s going to pull away.
Let her know you’re here to help when she needs it and give her the space she is craving. Rest assured, she will. Life is hard.
