bloodymediocrity
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I think the podunk comment was in response to this comment.
“I don’t think hooking up on a first date should be any real indicator of intent… it should be one of interest. But that’s just me and that’s where I come from on this having… grown up in NYC I guess.”
I took it similarly to how Anonymousse did.
Since no one else has brought it up, I’d like to propose another possibility of why things turned for the worse on this date: Maybe your date was not feeling the sexual connection with you and it changed her perspective on how the date went.
You’re allowed to draw whatever boundaries you want, but I can’t be the only one that thinks “installing accountability software” is a major privacy violation.
Going forward, you need to be very upfront at the beginning of a relationship that “no pornography” is a hard line for you, and be very clear what you define pornography as because even that definition is going to change person-to-person. For example, is it just videos of sexual acts? Is it pornography if it’s only one person in underwear? Is a thirst-trap heavy Instagram account pornography? Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition? Sears Catalog? Is it cheating if he fantasizes about anyone else?
Be prepared for this to be a deal-breaker for a lot of guys.
I concur with everyone else. This is not your conversation to have with this person.
I’m more replying because the issue with the site entering login seems to be worsening. Before I logged in the, name field not only populated “@Anonymousse”, it actually seemed to populate her Email Address? I can’t confirm that without publishing the email address that came up, but I thought I would bring it up since it seems like a pretty big security concern.
Agree with the others – your friend is being a misogynist twit.
I just wanted to add that there could be other reasons the marketing person isn’t doing physical labor. They could have unseen physical issues that could be exasperated by doing manual labor. That shouldn’t be something they have to disclose. It’s also probably not a good use of their time.
Men don’t usually sleep with women they want to be friends with. He wants to cool the relationship but wants to be able to take it for a spin every once in awhile. He’s using you.
@Anon – Really feel like you’re being way too harsh on the OP. Let’s remove the cousins thing for a moment and just pretend that this is someone she isn’t related to that she kissed once and then became very good friends with after the fact. Neither of them have made had any real romantic overtures after the one kiss. Would you still advocate for her to cut the friend out of her life to appease a jealous boyfriend?
Cousins or not, that’s BS in my book.
This is the best kind of problem because you don’t have to do anything.
Your daughter is 25. She should be making these decisions on her own by now. You can offer to help, but you can’t take it personally that she wants to be independent.
At 25 she should be able to choose an apartment and a vehicle on her own.
The more you try to force yourself into her life, the harder she’s going to pull away.
Let her know you’re here to help when she needs it and give her the space she is craving. Rest assured, she will. Life is hard.
Also, I just want to point out: You’re ready to leave your family, your friends, your job, and your entire life to be with him so he can go work in Nigeria. But he’s not willing to pass up a job to be with you? This doesn’t seem like a balanced relationship.
Yeah, there’s a lot of red flags happening here. It’s quite possible your family has a very valid reason for disliking this man, though it’s possible they might have an unfair bias. It’s hard to figure out with the information presented here.
What I don’t see is what the hurry is. You say
“I want to go but can’t face my parents. If I go I have to get engaged to him. They don’t want to hear about engagement and my dad doesn’t know anything about him yet.”Why do you have to be engaged?
The bottom line is this: If what you say is true and you two are truly meant to be together, then the timeline doesn’t actually matter. Whether your engaged now or two years from now, whether you marry a month from now or 10 years from now, if this relationship is truly built to last it will work out.
So slow down. Listen to what your family has to say. Come back and share what their objections are and we can discuss where to go from there.
I did genuinely like Mark, but his negativity has really increased in the last few months here (and he was already pretty negative to begin with). You made the right choice, Wendy.
This threat has convinced me to cancel attending the larger family Christmas gatherings. Thanks, I hate it.
It’s the right decision but damn. This sucks. Stupid variants.
The root of your question seems to be “is infidelity always wrong?”. I don’t think it’s terribly helpful to view it as such a binary right-or-wrong issue.
In rare situations, an affair might be necessary to stay sane in an otherwise happy relationship. This might be your mother’s situation. In my book, both of your parents lived happy wives. Your mother got what she needed for sexual fulfillment, your father got the illusion of fidelity and every other relationship need filled.
In other situations, an affair might provide the necessary push needed to end an otherwise unhappy relationship and move on to find their own true happiness. In that case, is an affair really wrong?
Now, in both of these situations, it would probably be better for everyone if they could just discuss their issues openly. In the first example, your mother could probably have been much happier if she could have just had other sexual relations with your father’s blessing. In the second example, it would have been better to just end the relationship rather the push it off a cliff with an affair.
But life is messy, and luckily, it’s generally not a crime to have an affair (though weirdly, here in Minnesota it is) and sometimes an affair ends up the best=worst-case option. It’s not always an issue of right-or-wrong or good-and-evil. It sometimes just is.
