Cleopatra Jones
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Damn Kate,
What kind of drink is that? I have never seen such a thing in my life.
A bedazzled onesy with, ‘NEWSFLASH’ on the front?
We need pics of Bitter Gay Baby!
Um, BGM
You can’t just tell us that you had a baby!! I’m upset that you didn’t share the news of your impending birth with us. I thought we were a faux family???Now I’ll have to write into DW to get her advice on how to handle your outright betrayal of the faux family. How dare you!
Chips and dip out of a hooha sounds messy and painful but I’m kinda digging that there’s such a thing as a vajayjay splay veggie tray.
Just asking for a friend ;-)…where would one go to find instructions on creating said veggie tray?
Then why pose the question (or get upset) if you are going to ignore his somewhat sketchy behavior?
The issue really isn’t the strip club (you can pretend it is though), the issue is that he lied about going to strip clubs and how he felt about strippers.
I still contend that if he would have just been straight up about strip clubs, this wouldn’t bug you so much.
And FTR, my understanding is that the ‘champagne room’ is where covert paid sex with strippers happen, so if he was in the champagne room there might have been sex (even just a BJ). So there’s that…
OR maybe there’s just some sketchy ass strip clubs in my area.
@Fyodor,
Hmm, I think we are arguing different aspects of the same point.I don’t think he owed her full disclosure of what he did in the clubs but if the question was brought up, he could have went with, ‘yes, but that was when I was younger…blah,blah,blah.’ Instead he feigned some kind of pretend disgust that she would even ask him about strip clubs. That’s what bothers me.
Also, we don’t know the conversation that led up to why he felt he needed to lie, so we may be missing some context. She could have voiced some strong dislike for strip clubs, and he didn’t want to deal with her reaction.
I don’t care either way about strip clubs or porn, so I’d never personally have this conversation with my SO unless it started to take over our lives.
It feels deceptive to me because he acted all skeeved out about strip clubs & strippers then we find out that he has been to strip clubs (multiple times), AND engaged in touching & lap dances with strippers. It makes me wonder why he would even lie about something this inconsequential.
He very well could have owned that he had been to strip clubs (but omitted the gritty details of what he did there), and it wouldn’t have felt like he was being deceptive.
I’m not saying it’s a red flag but it’s definitely a yellow or pink flag, and LW should figure out how she feels about it.
FWIW, I think your issue is less about insecurity and more about that he lied to you about the number of times that he went to strip clubs, and how he felt about strip clubs. You can’t trust him because he did untrustworthy stuff. I think you have to focus on that and figure out how you feel about the lies and obvious deception.
Strip club is a red herring, swap gambling and casinos for strip club & strippers, and I’d bet you’d still feel the same way about the situation.
I will admit that I didn’t realize for a long time that I had control over my own sexuality. It was NOT a thing that was discussed while growing up. Ever! In fact, it was covertly implied that as a woman I would turn over that control to the man I’m in a relationship with.
I didn’t even grow up in a religious environment.
I think it was more of growing up in an environment where women didn’t feel empowered in any aspects of life much less openly talking about protecting themselves from unplanned pregnancies or STIs. Hence my unplanned pregnancy in my early 20’s because I was really embarrassed to discuss birth control with the guy I was dating.
So I can see why young people don’t know or understand about birth control and sexuality, it’s not really a new thing at all. The younger generation has access to more information but unfortunately they don’t know what to do with that information.
I wonder if your desperate need for a child was really your gut telling you to end your marriage with this guy. I’m just curious if you will feel the same aching loneliness once you are done with the relationship?
Bravo to you Kate for having the fortitude to read through her almost illiterate rantings. I just can’t with her. Anyone who wants to remain that willfully ignorant about race and class in the U.S. is beyond any kind of help that they could get on DW.
