CurlyQue
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A somewhat generic useful gift, hmm… a scarf, amazon gift card if they deliver in her country, painting class for her and her partner, cooking class for a different kind of cuisine if she’s interested, a movie or show she likes… i just think flowers and a frame while lovely don’t fit the useful definition that you said her culture appreciates.
To be honest, this seems like a really petty thing to even notice. Who cares?! You extended a +1 invite, she’s using her +1, done. Doesn’t matter what you or anyone else would do in the same situation, i’m not sure why it’s worth judging her about it. It seems more likely you’re still upset from the bridal shower (reasonable) and letting it effect how you see all her other actions.
Went on with my closest girlfriend last night and she shared that her and her husband opened their relationship, i get to know because he’s seen me on Tinder and didn’t want me to freak out.
The other news, was that she has an almost boyfriend already and it turns out it’s the guy i dated off and on for about a year when i was 21-22ish so about a decade ago! Apparently he’s also married and in an open relationship.
1. I feel like at least 50% of the dudes on dating sites are non-monogamous (i’m monogamous) at least in my area around Portland. Which is really frustrating.
2. It feels bizarre to even be remembering this dude from so long ago, but after she said his name and showed me a picture all these random memories flooded back (nothing terrible). She had also taken a picture of us at a show a couple weeks ago and sent it to him while we are the and he had remembered me too. It’s just weird, even though it doesn’t matter as i wouldn’t be seeing them together anyways.
Oh bridal showers. I was the maid of honor for a friend last year, and her soon to be MIL started messaging me about how i’m “required” to throw one. I ended up hosting it at my house but the two bridesmaids and my friend’s mother also assisted. It was a brunch theme with a mimosa bar and ended up being a lot of fun.
The only ridiculousness came from her soon to be MIL who had hosted her own surprise bridal shower the weekend before mine (which she was invited to) and then brought all her leftover stuff and tried to use them at mine. We kindly asked her to stop rearranging our stuff to make room for her additions and she huffed and took her items to her car. Oh well.
She’s 19/20 which is why she’s over dramatizing this situation and her reaction to him was crazy.
Guy has been putting out signs this whole time that he was interested. She DID complain about her boyfriend to him because she stated she did, and when she did her friend decided that was the time to tell her his feelings. She kept the friendship and then broke up with her bf, he took that as a sign that he had a chance (he was looking at her actions, not her words). He’s since been shut down and he was self-pitying about it, and she went nuclear because instead of focusing on her feelings about her breakup she’s decided to get mad at this guy instead.
I don’t comment on this thread very much, though i should considering i’m in the single camp. I did want to say CONGRATS Veritek, ring shopping and him moving in are such big but awesome steps!
Also Alafair and JD a relationship where you’re on the same page and can communicate easily is definitely on my list. lol
Maybe when your bf mentioned he didn’t want to partake in raising your son, he really was trying to tell your your parenting approach is terrible. Though honestly he doesn’t get a pass, unless he is in someway trying to help your son from your terribleness.
Ohmygoodness you’re the worst! Your son is being a NORMAL teenager…eating crappy, holed up in his room with technology, no hygiene. Both my brothers went through that and guess what they’re totally normal adult men now. Also, nothing you’ve decided is because you’re a “scientist” it’s because you’re a strict mom who doesn’t seem to have compassion or love her son.
YES, you should focus on being happy and being SINGLE.
This man embarrassed you and yet you still moved in with him? Focus on yourself and your son and move out. If the guy is such a deadbeat then you don’t need him to put a roof over your head so moving out should logistically be easier. You should also consider getting your own therapist and possibly a family therapist.
UPDATE:
I decided to go forward with an ancestry test (larger database of people) and leave it at that. I got my results the day after Christmas and there he was. A “parent match.” There was also a first cousin from his side. I contacted both and the cousin ended up letting him know he had a message waiting for him. He and i plan on talking on the phone Sunday.It’s a little surreal but i think i’m in a good place. My expectations are really low (we live on opposite sides of the country) but a casual relationship is fine by me. I’m looking forward to learning about him, and maybe even having a casual relationship with my new half siblings.
The MOST you can do for your granddaughter is to stop pushing regarding which one is the father. It literally DOES NOT matter.
From what i remember of the first time you wrote in, a dna test was done that they thought showed your deceased son as the father but then you pushed and pushed for another one that now shows your living son as the father and now you want to push again to prove it back to how it was originally? This is crazy and obsessive. Leave it be.
THERAPY for both you and your son individually would really help you both.
As everyone has said the best way to help your granddaughter is to tell your son to calm down. Tell him to go through the courts if he wants to see his “daughter,” they will require another dna test. There’s no reason to force another one at this time. Tell him he needs to look into anger management/therapy/etc if he wants to have any positive interactions with his niece/daughter.
Most of all though. Leave this poor woman and child alone. She’s realizing he’s unstable. You still refuse to have any relationship with this child. Just leave them alone. The courts will handle your living son. With his history it’s doubtful even if he was the father that they’d grant him any custody rights.
