Kate
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Omg “average BMI.”
Preferably slim, but will accept up to average BMI. Long hair a must.
People get hired all the time who don’t even qualify for the entire job description, be a of chemistry. People get together romantically who don’t check all each other’s boxes because of chemistry.
Even to your example about hiring, Robert: At companies and even big corporations, the hiring manager is looking for chemistry, and they’re looking for unique skills that can drive change. They are not just looking to stick any cog into a wheel. Personality and chemistry are important. Team fit. Cultural fit. Would I like to have dinner with them.
Not sure why you’re weighing in on this anyway, having never worked for “the man,” but yeah, your assessment is off.
And yes, it is super creepy and gross to say you “didn’t get anything” out of a date in exchange for your money. You don’t buy a second date. If you feel like you’re being scammed into paying for dinner, don’t fucking agree to dinner. If someone is insisting on you taking them to dinner and you’ve never even met, politely decline. You should always be suggesting a drink. If they say no, let’s do dinner, they’re an idiot or scammer. Just take a pass. A woman who’s honestly trying to meet a guy for a relationship isn’t going to nix your suggestion of a drink and insist on dinner.
If you’re getting scammed by women and mechanics on the regular, that’s on you.
When I took my first art history class, we went to a local museum and were supposed to just find a piece that spoke to us and write a short paper about it. I looked around and saw a bust of a guy who reminded me of the vice principal at my high school, who was a character. He was in charge of discipline, so I interacted with him a bit. And he seemed conflicted. Anyway, I saw something in the expression of this head in the museum that made me pick it. I researched the Emperor Diocletian, whose likeness this was, and learned about what kind of guy he was and what was going on in his life at the time this sculpture was made, and how that came across in how the artist represented him.
Question: Do you get that there’s no one, true, objective way for an artist to paint or sculpt someone? Even with a photo, there isn’t. It’s one moment in time. A piece of art actually captures their essence, their humanity. Does that make any sense to you? It should, if you think back to your old profile pics and how we instructed you to do the new ones. You’re the same person but the two sets of pics say totally different things about you.
Robert, you’re lacking some component that other people have that allows them to pick up on nuances, emotions, intuitive feelings, associations, gut responses, etc., about other people.
Your reaction to art is really interesting and kind of says it all. Have you *ever* seen a piece of art that made you feel something? Or made you curious to know what it means, or what was going on with the artist, or the person shown in the art? I was an art history minor, and this interests me.
I don’t know if this is part of something like autism that could be diagnosed, but just realize that you’re not operating like most people. How about instead of saying 10,009 times that you don’t understand it and it’s on us to argue you to seeing it differently, you just accept it?
The one huge thing you’re missing is physical chemistry. We don’t know until we meet someone in person whether we are actually attracted to them. There are undefinable things like mannerisms, their smell, their eyes, that you can only pick up on in person, and if the chemistry and attraction aren’t there – if we can’t imagine making out with them – it’s not going to work. Maybe we give it one more date to make sure, but then we move on. It doesn’t matter at that point if we have interests in common, we’re not looking for friends, we’re looking for a relationship, and we can’t have a relationship with someone we don’t have physical chemistry with. Sorry you don’t understand it but that’s the way it is. Don’t try to “logic” us out of it. You’re 100% wrong on this one.
This is why, IMO, phone calls are usually a waste. You can absolutely have a pleasant call and then be like, oh, no, in person. Even if you saw their pics.
Again, do not argue with me on this. Just understand this is how women’s minds and bodies work and there are important evolutionary reasons why.
That one is tricky. It works better if you have a set policy. One of my teammates who has an elementary school kid said ages ago that she has a contract with other parents that she won’t eat at indoor restaurants. That right there gets us all off the hook when our extreme extrovert boss suggests we get together. It can only be outdoors. And when she was trying to get us to come work in a conference room together for a day and then have dinner “in Chinatown,” everyone was basically like, ehhhhh, Delta, I have kids, the T, etc.
It works much better when you make it about a policy, or even a circumstance, than a single person. Like if they already knew that you don’t eat indoors, it would have been easier to say you want to, say, work remotely while they’re in the conference room, you’ll be on zoom, and then meet outdoors for drinks/dinner. But now it’s about this individual, and they’ve put you in a tight spot.
I would probably say, yes, you’d like him to take a rapid test before traveling and before the dinner (by the new guidelines he SHOULD be testing), and you’d like the reservation to be outdoors. Can you say you just don’t feel safe with any of it until cases have gone down? Yes, but unfortunately at the possible risk of not being “a team player.” What’s your company’s policy on this stuff? Is your boss overstepping?
It is a gorgeous dress! Love the blush tone.
Oh that makes me feel bullied! Jk no it doesn’t. I have had therapy in the past when needed. I’m fine.
Also ask yourself why you would continue to follow a forum, ~for years~ where you believe bullying to be the norm; to post on that forum asking for advice; and to keep engaging enthusiastically.
It’s not bullying to tell you you made bad decisions and to work on it in therapy. Stop.
