anonymousse
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That’s impressive, Copa! I never had much money when I first moved out. Even into my first apartment on my own, without roommates I didn’t have more than a few thousand extra.
I didn’t buy a car until I was 31!
She will be fine! You’re holding on to her too tightly.
I wish you could see how incorrectly you are thinking about this.
Most people hunt for an apartment for themselves at 25 without mommy with them. At 18 I was doing all of that myself with no help, and sure I’d have liked your money, but I would not have liked you assuming you know what’s best or what another person wants better than they do themselves. It should be what SHE wants, not you. It’s her life, not yours.
Do you want to be involved in her life? Invited into it? Or kept at arms length? Because if you keep this line that you know better and she’s a naive fool, you will succeed in totally pushing her away. I’m surprised that hasn’t happened yet, at 25.
You said you and your husband won’t let her make this bad choice, but she’s 25 and she can buy a car, a house, a jet if she wants to and you can stamp your feet and say you don’t like it but that’s about all you can do about it.
Why are you so worried she’ll make a mistake? What kind of mistake could she make that couldn’t be undone? You seem to have a financial cushion so what is the fear you have?
It’s time to let go, mom.
If your mother, who married quickly is telling you to slow down, you should slow down. I have condiments in my refrigerator that I’ve had longer than you’ve known him, and they are not out of date! That should tell you that this is really, really fast.
Let him take this once in a lifetime opportunity in Nigeria. Do long distance. If you are truly soulmates, this time will be great to build your bond. Then, after he’s made it better with your family, you could get engaged with their blessing.
I agree that you may feel you’re giving freely but it seems like there are a lot of strings you want attached. You want to okay her apartment. You want to okay her car. She’s 25, not a child anymore. If you keep pushing hard, you may push her away. Save the money for her and give it to her for her first house or the future.
I haven’t been diagnosed with long Covid but in my experience, both times I had Covid, I needed to use an inhaler for about two months after having it. I had it at the very beginning of the pandemic (I think) and we had omnicron over Christmas ‘21. I have mild asthma. Clearing the lungs out after Covid was long for me.
I think I may have long Covid because I’ve had a lot of the markers like reactivation of Epstein Barr, liver issues, endless fatigue. But it seems hard to find doctors versed in this and the potential for scam at a “long Covid clinic” seems high.
You said earlier, your family has so much influence over you that you’re starting to doubt him.
How old are you?
Let him go to Nigeria and see about the job and in a year and a half when he’s back and has improved his standing with your family, then get engaged.
Love will wait.
Why doesn’t your brother approve, if the second meeting went so well?
Your mother was married after a short time and maybe things worked out for her, but it doesn’t for most. If even she is telling you to slow down, you should slow down.
“In the meantime, he wants to move to Nigeria for work. He wants to go there to work because he thinks he has once in a lifetime opportunity. I think it might be the case. I encourage him to go but struggles to go without me.. he can’t imagine going there if I don’t join him in a year or so, although he really understands I can’t promise anything now.”
This is what you wrote. You didn’t say in a year and a half. From what you wrote above, it made it really sound like he was trying to rush an engagement, to rush a marriage, to get you to Nigeria. What is this once in a lifetime opportunity that he will move for?
Why does the first impression remain, if the second meeting went so well? Why does your brother believe you deserve better?
How long have you known this guy?
I would highly recommend trying to find an alternate solution than having them with trade off staying with you. I’m sorry you’re dealing with so much but you need to focus on your well being. They can’t use “helping you but making your life miserable” as their fake patch to not address their issues. If they are actually helpful, great but it doesn’t sound like they are really doing much for you if your dad only walks your dog but you’re still in charge of procuring food, for instance.
I could never let my parents stay with me more than a couple days. It’s totally depressing thinking about longer term. I wouldn’t and they wouldn’t even ask, I don’t think.
I know I’m a broken record but I’m really enjoying my higher dose of antidepressants.
Were you at the show with surprise guest Dave Chappelle?
I don’t take my phone with me everywhere. Now that I have an Apple watch, I clock way more steps per day than I did before, so maybe that could be part of it Ktfran? I don’t believe iPhones are as accurate with step length, etc like a Fitbit or Apple watch would be, but I don’t have the latest one and could totally be wrong about that.
I’m so sorry you’re going though such a hard time, LadyE.
I know this is anecdotal and I don’t want to pressure you to pop more pills but I recently asked to up my lexapro and the small difference in dosage has like changed me from feeling pretty okay but meh to actually feeling pretty fucking happy when the world isn’t engulfed in flames around my human rights. Take it as a grain of salt but it’s made a great difference even in my energy levels. And I wouldn’t even say I was in a particular bad place, I just talked to my doctor about how I was feeling and we agreed to try a little more.
Bloodymediocrity makes a great point.
He won’t give up a job for you but you will sacrifice everything? This is not a relationship of soulmates.
