anonymousse
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Because her son doesn’t want to go to court.
And that’s somehow this mother’s fault.
Carolann. You read through this post and read the situation this way:
“And then to flat out refuse to have a regular dna test.”
Ummm, she did the avuncular test. That’s a regular DNA test when you are certain who the father of your child is, and he’s deceased.
It’s so amazing that you can look at this post and ascribe BAD INTENTIONS to the mother of this girl. I guess there is a chance she reached out to this family only to trick SS into giving her benefits…
“She is purposely avoiding this because she knows the living brother may be the father.”
Or she actually is able to track her ovulation like many, many women. It’s easy to know when you got pregnant.
Why assume the absolute worst of everyone and their motivations?
Tiffani has repeatedly made it clear that her anger has taken over and skewed her view of the situation. It’s her sons fault that a paternity test hasn’t been done. She won’t even meet her grandchild. She won’t even look at pictures of her. She has certainly done nothing to be there or be supportive in anyway.
Or it could be this poor mother’s evil plan working out just perfectly. I’m sure she knew all about the drugs and various imprisonments that supposedly make him not want to go through the courts. I’m sure she wants to deprive her daughter of a father for SS benefits.
And as a child of an addict:
There are no former addicts. There are those that conquer their addiction and are sober. It’s work, constant work. A child is not a crutch. And growing up with an addict or alcoholic for a parent is not the best. I have been working with therapists on and off for years to get over the trauma of the negligence, neglect and abuse I suffered under my addicted parent’s hands. It’s really ugly to just casually suppose having a child might serve him well.None of that matters.
This is what matters:
You have a granddaughter
She is the last living link to your deceased son
She, as all children do, needs support
Financially and emotionallyYou are robbing yourself from knowing her now, because you are so blinded by your misguided anger at this woman. That’s the real tragedy here. You are letting these emotions further destroy any hope of a relationship with her and your grandchild.
Instead of commenting on this post, you should be calling therapists, grief counselors, or groups for parents who’ve lost their children. You need help.
It’s really easy to look for someone or something to blame when you lose someone, and I can imagine the rage and sadness over your own child, but she is not and can’t be the object of your anger. You will lose your granddaughter, too.
You need to stop blaming her for whatever happened with your son. It’s not her fault. A child is not a parachute.
You ar lashing out at her, but it will come back to hurt you. She’s the mother of your grandchild.
Stop insisting on a paternity test. Get yourself some help.
You need to see a grief therapist.
STAT. Call or look up providers and low cost options here:Whatever happened with your son is horrible and sad, I’m sure. It is not this woman’s fault that your son never contacted you about his child. It’s not her fault you didn’t know and she didn’t contact you. You don’t know what her life is like. The past is done. You need to let this resentment go and believe what she tells you about this child is true.
It pains my heart to hear you admit you haven’t even met her because you can’t face her. That’s very sad and tragic. You need to find help now before you lose the last living tie to your son that you have.
Imagine trying to explain to this girl when she’s older why you didn’t ever want to meet her. That’s not okay. You are in grief, I know what that’s like, and I can imagine how hard it is. But you need to pull yourself up enough to be a part of this girl’s life while you have the chance instead of whatever resentment and other emotions you are holding onto. This isn’t about her mother.
This may not be helpful, and it sure is a little petty, but one of my friends taught me the very best revenge is looking good and being not at all concerned with them/totally happy if you see the ex. Fake it if you must. Not even to inspire any feelings on his side, but for your own confidence. Don’t spend time/energy concerning yourself for what he’s doing or where he is. Just walk right by. Reclaim your space.
And if they decide to never take a paternity test-
NEVER EVER bring this up anywhere near your granddaughter. Do not spread your hunch to anyone else, like your neighbors, family, friends. All that will do is invite drama and discord. You need to accept what she has said is the truth and let it go. The math regarding ovulation and pregnancy is not too terribly hard to figure out. Trust her. To continue on this path is only going to push them away.
Fine a grief counselor, STAT.
Okay, but pushing her is risking your access and your son’s access to her and your grandchild.
He doesn’t actually want to do the test or go to court.
He talks to her everyday but can’t convince her?
So leave it alone.
A 99% reading is not rare. All the DNA test sites make that clear.
Your son doesn’t want to do the test. She doesn’t want to permit another DNA test.
A DNA test is a DNA test. If he was the father, they would be able to tell that from the test. They concluded he was the uncle.
So let it go. If you keep pestering her, you could miss out in having more of a relationship with your granddaughter. Trust the mother knows the timing of the pregnancy and who the father really is.
99% chance they are related means they are related, not that he’s the father.
“The test results came back as my son being the uncle to this little girl.”
Then he’s the uncle, right? Not the father.
My advice would be to stop pressuring the mother, as she’s the legal guardian.
Grindr is an app for men to hook up with other men.
You don’t know he hasn’t done drugs since April.
The link I posted is a service for women to work on getting a divorce when they don’t have many resources.
Call a lawyer. Empty your shared financial resources. Kick him out.
Kids are resilient. He’ll be fine. He’ll probably blame you more if you stay with a cheating drug addict instead of getting your son into a better situation.
