Stonegypsy

You’ve done all this in-depth analysis of how he behaves toward you and the sexual tension and all of it misses the point – Even if he does love you and lust after you, it doesn’t matter. Feelings don’t require you to act on them. They don’t even require you to talk about them. They only have the importance that you give them (or that he gives them).
I mean, let’s assume that he is in love with you. That over the years, he’s developed a deep attraction to you and feelings for you, and sometimes he even has a fantasy about what it would be like to act on them. Even if all of that’s true, if he’s not a giant asshole, he just lets those feelings exist and the only action he takes on them is take the energy from that tension back home to his wife.
Likewise, even if you’re in love with him, that doesn’t have to be an important, defining thing for you. You can just have those feelings, and not act on them. Instead, you can do things that don’t cause a bunch of problems for you, like finding other people to direct all that energy toward. You have that power even if he did prove himself an asshole by making a move.
Feelings can feel so huge and all-consuming, but they don’t have to be if you decide not to feed them.

@Ale I was always in the same boat (my family doesn’t really keep in touch or celebrate holidays for the most part). Realized eventually that holidays are what you make them. They don’t have to be anything. I started putting stuff together like caroling before all my friends took off out of town. And now it’s usually just me and anyone who can’t be with family for whatever reason, watching Christmas movies. One year it was me watching Christmas movies and taking a bubble bath and drinking a bottle of champagne. Just decide to do things you enjoy.

Happy holidays, all
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I’ve been mostly lurking, but really enjoying everyone’s updates!
I feel like for the most part this thread goes through phases of – 1) Everyone’s got something exciting happening! then 2) The exciting things fell through for all but one person! then 3) Everyone’s kind of taking a break from dating then 4) Everyone’s got something exciting happening!

@MissDre I definitely understand your anxiety, but it sounds like everything is really good right now! Even if things don’t last, worrying about it and overthinking it isn’t going to prevent that. It’s easier said than done, and I don’t follow my own advice half the time, but try to enjoy what things are now and force yourself to stop thinking about what might happen.

I went out with a guy a month or so ago, which didn’t really pan out. And I was kind of relieved because I was wondering how I was going to make time for another relationship if things went well. And then not too long after that I met a guy at a friend’s birthday party, and there was instant connection and chemistry. I didn’t follow up with it at the time, because I was there with J and that would have been rude, but I added him on facebook the next day, and managed to find an excuse to engage him in conversation when he posted about a couple of books that I really liked. I bought a ticket to an event he was going to this last Friday with the hopes of running into him, and he came and tracked me down as soon as he got there! We ended up hanging out until 3am, and even then it was hard to part ways. I’m really excited, and looking forward to seeing what it turns into. I’m not wondering how I’m going to make time for another relationship because I’m excited to spend more time with him. I keep forgetting what that feels like. So that’s my minor update!

@Veritek Congrats on the second interview! That’s really exciting.

@Cleo yeah, definitely time to write that dude off.
For the record, I met my partner on okcupid, but I actually prefer tinder. I feel like I have less of a tendency to rule people out for things that don’t actually matter when I use it. Okcupid gives me too much information.

I’m considering starting to date again, but I’m not sure I want to be actively looking for dates. Probably more just let myself be open to asking people out if I’m interested in them. There’s a guy who kind-of works on my floor, and he’s really cute, but he’s a consultant so he only comes to the office like once a month. I’ve had a crush on him for over a year and just haven’t been able to work up the courage to invite him for a drink.
I’m also a little worried about J’s reaction to the transition from me taking a break to me dating again. I hooked up with a friend a couple of months ago and he had a *really* strong reaction to it, but he doesn’t really know where it came from. He himself has been continuing to actively date and sleep with other people. I’m probably worried about nothing.

I do! J’s band is playing at a brewery a little ways north of us. It’s a Disco party and it should be a lot of fun. One of my friends is coming with me, so I won’t be sitting by myself all night, and it’s always really fun to watch J play the drums.