Columns

I’ve known a gentleman, “Roger” for a year, and we’ve been dating for eight months. We are both in our early 50s and highly professional. He’s struggled throughout his life with poor relationships from neglect, verbal abuse, and being seriously taken advantage of. He has signs of mild depression and it’s hard for him to let go of negative experiences, as he has talked and relived them frequently. I’m smart enough to understand that he allowed this due to poor self-esteem or insecurity. Well, we had a great relationship — we’re good friends and enjoyed a closeness. We talked extensively about a future. But he’s never lived on his own and, in…

Tuesday’s column, about the woman who was preemptively disappointed about how her first wedding anniversary would be celebrated, got me thinking about the ways we celebrate important relationship milestones. Actually, I’d already been thinking about this topic a little bit because this summer Drew and I will celebrate our tenth wedding anniversary and we’ve started talking about what we want to do to mark the occasion. While he and I were on our little weekend getaway a couple weeks ago, I had an idea:

It’s time again for Shortcuts. For every question, I’ll give my advice in just a few sentences because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great that being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. My husband has been married six times and he has children by two of his exes. He has pictures of two of his ex-wives in our closet. Should I be concerned about that? — Number Six

I have been with my significant other for ten years now. I have three sons and he has two daughters. These girls have grown up in a rich lifestyle. My sons and I have not. It does not bother my partner that I am not wealthy, and he loves my boys like they were his own. His girls do not give me the time of day. I try having conversations with them, but it only falls on deaf ears. I invite them to family gatherings and such, but they are always too busy to attend. Now that one of them is having a baby, I was invited to the baby shower. Is…

I slept with my friend’s baby daddy four years ago, and he still holds it over my head and says he’s going to tell her. I live with her and he’s in prison. I feel bad for what I did and I know it was wrong and that it shouldn’t have happened. Now that he’s saying he’s going to tell her, my question is: Should I come clean and tell her what happened instead of waiting for him to tell her? She and I are very close now and I don’t want to lose a good friendship. — Feeling Bad for What I Did

I met my husband a year ago. He always told me he wanted to have a family with me some day. He lied on our first date saying he had gotten a divorce in two years earlier and didn’t have any kids, but I found out eight months later he had two kids from two different women. I worked it out with him but was obviously mad about his lying, especially since I have a kid myself. When we went to the courthouse three days before we got married, I found out he was actually married the whole time we were dating and hadn’t divorced until a few months after we met….

My boyfriend and I recently were in bed, both a little intoxicated after a night out, and he asked me if I had any crazy secrets I’ve never told anyone. We’ve been together almost a year, and he asks me deep questions a lot, so I obliged and told him some. In return, he told me that when he was 13, he lost his virginity to his cousin of the same age. The following summer it happened again, and the next summer again, and after that they no longer continued. Hearing about it makes me feel really weird, because they were so young on top of it being his cousin. Now I…

I’m a single mom to a little boy who is three years old. I met my boyfriend a year ago, and though we’ve had ups and downs like a lot of couples, we’ve always stuck together. Anyway, my friend Lydia and I had a weekend away last week. There was a lot of partying, a lot of drinking and just having fun. I stayed in contact with my boyfriend the whole time I was away (I let him know what I was up to and how I was, etc.). I sent him a few videos of Lydia and me dancing at clubs, and in one video she and I had a kiss…