Found felony record… not sure if I should say something
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I think you are reading into my comments and perceiving sarcasm and aggression that wasn’t there. And as far as demeaning…wow.
I actually try not to sound like an asshole most of the time.
I’m definitely being a jerk now, but I guess it’s because I don’t truly understand why I’m being singled out for the same opinion most other people have.
I get it, my thoughts aren’t welcome here.
Anon, i think you’re taking these more personally than they were intended. I know i took some of Copa’s comments to be about mine, but… it doesn’t matter. She had a different opinion than the ones you and i were sharing.
Re the original question, there’s only a couple options on how to deliver the information: 1. Just tell her and accept that you may not come across well and it might effect your relationship, but that you accept that because you think the information is important for her to know. 2. You don’t say anything, unless a situation arises that it seems appropriate (you see him acting hostile, she has bruises…etc.)
On a side note, i think you feel like you have a right to this coach’s time that you don’t have. When she said she was going to be at the fair too, you suggested she take your child around the exhibits… that seems like an overreach to suggest she should spend her off time with your child. It was very nice of her to accept of course, you may just want to stop viewing her in how she can help your kids and more as an adult woman who has a day job and off time.
That comment was absolutely directed at you. The rest, no. And I don’t think it’s name calling to tell someone their comments sound condescending and judgmental.
@Curly, I would never ask someone to “donate” their time to my child. I’m not sure if my original post was unclear (or again, perhaps I didn’t provide every single iota of detail because it didn’t seem relevant), but it was basically the conversation below:
1.) MB: Hey girl, you have any big plans this weekend? (speaking to my daughter as she arrived for her lesson after school)
2.) Daughter: Actually, we’re heading to the fair tonight
3.) MB: Oh, cool. Me too. Have you been through the sports exhibit out there yet?
4.) Daughter: Nope, not yet. We’ll probably go in the new few days.
5.) MB: I’m taking my niece through it tonight who’s a couple of years younger than you. You want to join us?
6.) Daughter: Yes!! Mom, may I please?!
7.) Me: Sure, sweetie. MB, that’s so nice of you to ask! What time and where should we meet you?And I sent money for my daughter, MB and MB’s niece in case they wanted to get snacks.
I think it’s bitchy to make a point to be rude to me specifically considering a lot of the other comments.
becboo84, Oh that was a totally reasonable conversation to have, and very nice of you to send your daughter with some snack $.
I read your comment differently. And of course it was a side comment you made so you didn’t include the details.
Hahaha, I felt like I had to include that I sent snack money, or I was just sure someone would comment, “But your daughter probably got hungry/thirsty while she was with her, and then MB had to spend her own hard earned money on your child…” and then I’d have to comment, “Well actually… sorry again if I wasn’t totally clear…” 🙂
Becboo84, i’d like to ask, which way are you swinging re divulging the information to MB? I think one of the main things most people have agreed on, is not do it anonymously; but beyond that i’m not sure there’s really a right or wrong choice.
I agree with being open and honest at this stage. Once you’ve opened the Pandora’s box if you feel you need to let her know the least you can do is be honourable about it. Otherwise all that snooping might actually not be so noble and righteous as you think. This woman seems to like you and think of you as some form of friend if she’s taking your kid outside of the coaching, you owe her as much in return.
So this is an…unexpectedly controversial topic! LW, I honestly don’t think anything you did was super weird or outrageous. Recently I heard through the grapevine that a former coworker had some pretty serious charges/accusations leveled against him and I totally did some internet sleuthing to find out if it was true. Was it weird of me to look it up? I guess, but the records are public and it can be literally anyone’s prerogative at any time to look up anyone else on the internet without needing a reason. Checking the local court records, at least in my county, is really simple. I just don’t think looking up someone who has contact with your kid is all that outrageous. I mean if you insisted on checking the court records of every single person in your life then maybe? But, you know, you do you.
As for whether or not to tell her, I mean you could say your husband used to do background checks, and the crazy stuff he used to find has made you both unusually cautious with your kids. You decided to type her name and her boyfriend’s name into a few searches since she has regular contact and he teaches her classes occasionally, found this stuff that you feel really weird and concerned about, and you care about her and so wanted to bring it up. Stress that you’re fully prepared to never, ever talk about it again, and the only reason you’re bringing it up is because of how much you like and value her, and if it were you, you would want to know
Well…that escalated.
People have different opinions. I am in the pro snoop club. I’m a researcher, so my job (which I happen to like very much) is to figure out what people’s deal is, so in my off time – sometimes it’s fun to figure out what people’s deal is. And if I had a specific reason – like is this someone I want my young child to be around – I’d def snoop.
But I understand many others don’t feel that way, and that’s valid.
For me, and I think for the majority of people here, the line is in disclosing. You can look things up and know them – but it’s a pretty high bar to share them with others. Which I don’t think MB’s boyfriend record from four years comes close to meeting.
Certainly maybe you use that in deciding things like whether or not to ask her to sit, but otherwise what you learned is just a curiosity you know about but keep to yourself.
So yeah. I’m in the look all you want camp. But I’m also in the do not disclose camp. Especially anonymously. If you’re going to internet snoop without being prompted, keep the information to yourself. If you can’t handle what you may find, don’t internet snoop.
EDT. Or I guess I should say if you want to snoop, be prepared to handle the fallout. In this case, it might mean losing a coach both you and your child really like.
