Found felony record… not sure if I should say something
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Maybe you should employ trusted childcare workers instead of doing background checks on your friends, neighbors and acquaintances.
It crosses the line when they haven’t consented to a check. That’s what almost everyone on this thread has said. You never asked her, let alone him to watch your children.
That’s what I was thinking too… I don’t have kids, but it seems like there are professional, vetted sitters from agencies. Or people you know and trust.
I have googled people before, like a guy my friend was dating who seemed like he was telling her some big lies and was probably married… or a guy I went on a couple dates with, but not often, and only a google search.
I don’t think it’s okay to do anything more than a simple google search on someone’s name, unless they’ve consented to a background check or are in a position to be asked for one. And I don’t feel like a person like MB fits that description. She didn’t put herself and her boyfriend out there as sitters, so even to ask her, and then say, “is it ok if I do a check on you online?” seems awkward.
I don’t understand why you felt it necessary to include her boyfriend in your preemptive background of the coach. I babysit my friends’ children on a regular basis, but I would never assume my friends are okay with my fiancé or parents driving the children without their express consent. If the parents put me in charge, I wouldn’t assume that also means my fiancé is in charge. If we were parents ourselves, I could see that situation being more fluid. In your case, I just don’t see why the boyfriend would also babysit in this situation. It just goes too far.
I hate to keep repeating myself, but this was not a background check. Signed consent, fingerprints and an ID are necessary for a background check. And again, with the exception of checking the sex offender registry semi-regularly (which I truly hope every parent is doing), I have probably looked up a half dozen people over the 10 years that I’ve had kids. I have no idea what, in any of my posts, made it seem like I was regularly looking up information on friends/neighbors/acquaintances.
@Kate, I had already reached out to Care.com and a local version that offers similar services several weeks ago, and there was no one available who met our needs. I live in rural America, so I am sure the options are greater in more metropolitan areas. Unfortunately, family is not an option for us, and all of our friends have multiple children of their own and would not be able to watch our kiddos at our house. Our older daughter has quite a bit of anxiety, and I think it would have been extremely difficult for her if the person staying with them was essentially a stranger anyway. We are also in the incredibly fortunate position that we almost never need a babysitter, so we do not have a list of individuals we can turn to when needed.
@Ruby, when I babysat in my early 20s, the families almost always offered that it was fine for my boyfriend/fiancé to come over after the kids were in bed, or to hang out with us if it was over a prolonged period of time. Of course I would have never made the assumption if it was not made abundantly clear that he was welcome, but in my experience that is pretty standard. We have also offered the same thing for our previous babysitter who is currently in grad school and therefore not an option.I absolutely get that many people on this post think it was inappropriate that I attempted to look up their driving records before I spoke to them, and I will reconsider that moving forward. However, it also seems like a lot of assumptions are being made that are outside the realm of anything I have said or even indicated, and that the crux of my question has been lost in many of the comments.
I agree that searching a public court database is not an invasion of privacy.
But I think that there are things that are knowable about everyone with a little digging and I think it makes us feel naked knowing that strangers could be armed with that knowledge. I did some bored googling of a mom at my kid’s school (who is a super nice) and found out that she had been caught shoplifting a few times. Even though it was public, it felt like a weird violation. I imagine that if someone looked at all my posts here they could piece together my identity which I would really not like.
It’s seems both better and worse that in this guy’s case he committed real crimes. On one hand he committed violent crimes and could still be a danger.
On the other hand there seems something not completely right about the idea that he should forever be immediately known as an abuser by everyone he meets.
All right, let me be more clear with my answer: leave her alone. You found something through unwarranted snooping that isn’t any of your business. And since this coach is not your friend and hasn’t indicated that she wants your opinion of her boyfriend or life at ALL, leave her be.
I also wonder why you aren’t looking up neighbors and acquaintances. Because those people are just as likely to be in a position to drive your kids somewhere (???) as your coach’s boyfriend. Why AREN’T you digging into everyone on your block or in your kids’ lives, since you think it’s perfectly fine in this situation?
I can’t speak for others, but I do understand the difference between an official background check and your internet investigation. I personally chose the words “preemptive background check” because “my husband and I searched the name of our child’s coach’s boyfriend because we were thinking about asking her to babysit our kids” is a longer explanation than I am willing to type. I am also unclear how your explanation is any different than my overall point. Those families expressly consent to your partner driving their children. But considering you hadn’t even asked the coach whether she would be interested in a babysitting gig when you searched both names, I don’t understand why you felt it was appropriate to include her boyfriend in the initial search. If you did in fact ask and she declined, you are still stuck with this knowledge that you didn’t need to look up in the first place.
Okay so, “Miz B, we’re in a bit of a pickle and looking for a sitter for Olivia and Ava while we’re away in September. I thought of you and wanted to ask, do you ever do any sitting?” You do? Oh fabulous! Are you free the 20th through 24th? This would be overnight sitting. Would you be able to stay at our home? We’d leave our minivan for you to drive the kids to and from school. Would it be okay if I did a check of your driving record? Cool, mind if I check your boyfriend too?”
I can’t imagine having that conversation, but you’d have to if you were going to ask her to sit. Sure, I’d approach a teacher that I’ve heard does sitting on the side for extra money, but one I have no reason to think does? I can’t see it. And then putting her in a spot to ask for a check on her records, which she may never have thought of, it’s too much of an imposition. It also assumes maybe she needs extra money? Loves other people’s kids enough to do overnight sitting on her off time? Should do favors for parents?
So this driving record thing is a lttie crazy to me. Im not sure why someones infraction would/should be public knowledge. If someone committed a crime while driving it would be a public criminal record. If someone has multiple traffic violations their DL gets suspended. In my state 12 points in 12 months gets DL suspended. In my state,in order to publicly request a driving record, you have to 1.Know persons name 2.DOB 3. Know DL licenses number. 4. Pay a cost. I understand why certain employers need this information( and even Legal)but just for average Joe, not really. I agree its important to know who is watching your kids and transporting them which is why we have public information. If there was anything concerning it would show up. The only thing id request from a parent transporting my kids is their physical DL thats valid and valid car insurance. Thats also im addition to checking the sex offender/drug offender/ and criminal record of person watching my kid. So I am very curious as to what standards would you hold someone transporting your kids too since you do have access to it?
@Poppy, not everyone wants a speeder driving their kids around.
We’ve hired babysitters before and when we’ve interviewed someone, we have asked if we could have a copy her driver’s license. We’ve asked if we could call former clients and ask them about their experience and we’ve followed up. For me, hiring someone to come to your house and be around your children, especially at night, means I have to make sure I’m hiring someone responsible.
I don’t think it’s crazy Becboo84 would consider her daughter’s coach a possibility. A lot of daycare/preschools have teachers who are willing to work as occasional babysitters. I’ve known parents who have asked the director if they have any workers who do private babysitting, because parents consider a daycare’s hiring policies when choosing that facility.
It isn’t a stretch for a parent to think about asking a coach they like and trust if they would consider babysitting, privately, IMO.
“I’ve known parents who have asked the director if they have any workers who do private babysitting“
Right! That makes total sense to me.
