Oracle- How are we a nightmare? The only low life is my granddaughter’s mother. She chose to hide her from us and now expects me to roll out the red carpet. It doesn’t work like that. I’ve decided to bite my tongue and not cause any unnecessary drama, but I still haven’t forgiven the mother, time will only heal this wound that has been reopened. I would have loved to have been in my granddaughter’s life from they very start, but that was taken from me. My living son will have a lot of growing up to do IF he’s the father. He’s already making strides in repairing his life, so that’s a positive start. He still speaks to the mother on a daily basis, and from what I’ve been told,the the mother is embarrassed to admit to anyone in her family that she slept with brothers. This is probably one reason she has kept quiet and never contacted until now. My family might have some issues, but we all love each other.

Gee, congrats, Tiffani. You and your loser son might “win” a three-year-old as a prize.

That’ll fix everything. Yeah.

I mean, for fuck’s sake, @carolann, what is wrong with you?

Tiffani, the only known low life so far seems to be your son even from your narrative.

If your other son is as mental as you, then your grandchild’s mother did a good job keeping you and your screwed up family away from the child.

It is unfortunate that she now brought the child to your attention. I will pray for the child’s continued safety ad welfare.

Tiffani-

So, now this child’s mother has agreed to give you what you want, but your feelings for her have bloomed into full-fledged hate and loathing. Nice! Until you fix yourself, get over your grief, and are able to see this young woman’s actions from the standpoint of a mother trying to protect her child, you will only be a very bad influence on this little girl and her mother. Your level of hate and entitlement is astonishing.

Of course you loved both your sons and they loved you. Of course you wanted to fix them. That does not mean this mother wronged either you or your sons. Just reading the description of them, from their own loving mother, I get the clear picture that it was very wise of the mother to protect her daughter from them. If this is the conclusion as seen through your description of them, I can only wonder how dangerous they appeared from the perspective of this young mother. Her primary, tops by a HUGE margin, responsibility was to her child. Her second responsibility was to protect herself. Any rational responsibility to you and your sons is well down the list.

You are projecting all your concerns and guilt onto this mother.

Carolann —
A little girl is not a tool you pull out of your toolbox to fix two damaged adults. It is not at all fair to the little girl. It is not her responsibility to fix her father and grandmother and likely she will be damaged in the process as both you and your brother were, without succeeding in fixing your father.

You are right that we don’t know everything about this young mother, but knowing the LW’s attitude about this woman and how her family has been wronged by her, I’m very certain that if LW knew very bad things about her
that she would have recited those things in one of her updates.

Even taking your assumptions as givens, that this young mother is also an addict and a terrible person, I would still give her kudos for trying to protect her daughter from both of these sons. They clearly were both extremely troubled, drug-addicted, in at least one case criminal. Not the person any diligent, protective mother wants around her young child. The mother did good by keeping her daughter a secret for as long as she could.