bloodymediocrity

Maybe I’m missing something, but why is the crush’s best friend part of this at all? Do you also want to be her friend, or are they a package deal and you can’t do anything with the crush without the friend also being there?

It’s *possible* that TT is using a VPN to connect to work or something like that, which might cause their IP might show as the same regardless of physical location. Unlikely? Maybe. But it’s not impossible. I’m willing to take them at their word here anyways. But given OP’s repeated posts under different usernames I understand other people’s skepticism.

In my experience, I think you’ll discover that once you leave a toxic situation like with your parents, the more you’ll start to realize how toxic that situation was. The more distance you have, the more clear the situation will appear and you will wonder how you tolerated it for so long. Navigating that with a therapist is essential in the long term.

Regardless of if you’re moved out or not, the end advice is the same: Stay away + therapy. Build a good life with a healthy social circle. Your mom will not be of help to you as long as your dad is a part of her life and probably longer.

I have a question that I don’t think is serious enough for it’s own thread, so I thought I’d pose it to the group here.

So post-divorce, I’m having a little trouble navigating what level of contact is ok with family and friends where the relationship originated through my ex. Like, if while we were married I considered them friends even though I only knew them through the ex, is it ok to maintain occasional contact? Is it ok to send a Holiday card?

When it comes to the ex’s family, the ex basically estranged herself from most of her family as we were getting divorced and they’ve kept in touch a bit with me anyways, so I assume that’s probably ok. But any time I have a conversation with a friend of the ex I feel a bit guilty, like I’m breaking some kind of unwritten rule. But at the same time, I considered a lot of these people my friend previously and I’d like them to know that I still think of them fondly at the very least.

For reference, the ex and I divorced quickly and reasonably amicably, but I cut contact completely and blocked her everywhere possible for my own mental health.

Am I overthinking this?

Whelp, for the very first time since I got divorced (and if I’m being honestly, about the 3rd or 4th time in my life), I got asked out on a date. I’m really not looking to date right now (I’m still processing a lot) so I’m trying to find the nicest way to say “I’d love to get to know you better as friends, but please don’t expect to date me.”

This is a new problem and I guess I sort of feel flattered about it but mostly I’m worried that I accidentally led someone on.

Wish me luck in this new world.

@Rangerchic It’s almost like our entire medical system is structured around preventing workers from trying to get better jobs or working independently by directly tying our employment to our physical wellbeing!

I’m sure Jeff is long gone now, but I wanted to point out something in case he’s still poking around

It was you who perceived Anonymousse and Kate’s early posts as aggressive, when they really weren’t. They were direct with you and straight to the point, which you saw as seen as aggressive because of how women are typically socialized to cater toward men’s feelings. You responded even more aggressively and escalated things.

This behavior is exactly the kind that women are wary of and why consent is a tricky issue: You never know how a man is going to react to a woman being direct. You reacted like you were being attacked and got defensive.

I have serious doubts you would have reacted that way if Ron or I had given you the exact same comments.