Cleopatra Jones
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Lord, please take this ‘relationship’ out back and put it out of its misery.
I don’t have anything personal against guns.
But I do rage silently against people who think that a gun is going to stop a mass shooter. Again, if there’s a mass shooting–get to cover. Don’t stand there and try to shoot at the shooter. You run the risk of getting killed when the police come in. Also, I’d like to point out (as Kate did), that never once in the history of mass shooting has anyone ever shot back at the shooter. There’s way too much confusion going on to think shooting back is a viable option.
Instead of a gun, devise a plan AND practice if someone breaks into your home or attacks y’all while out. Make sure that the kids know what to do, and you know what to do. That might go a long way in easing his fears.
There are so many ways to protect the family before a gun needs to be pulled.
You’ve worried about appearing to be a gold digger
I will never understand when women feel this way. LW, in order for you to be a gold digger, there actually has to be some gold to dig. This dude is broke, so why would anyone think that you are with him for the money? If anything, he should be concerned that he’s coming across as a tightwad and a moocher .
This mindset is what keeps women from speaking up when they are being treated badly because they don’t want people to think that they are shallow.
With that said! I’m going to give this a chance see if the situation changes.
Gurrrl, why?!?!
Well, he’s cheap and a moocher so I don’t recommend spending the rest of your life, potentially, having to fight with him over money. That’s a no-win situation for you.
To me, if a guy asks you out on a ‘date’ and he requests 50/50, then it’s not a date. It’s two friends having a meal together. And don’t offer to 50/50, if that’s not what you want.
I think if he believes this is ok to not even grab the check ONCE it seems indicative of him not caring or wanting to take advantage.
Or maybe he has a different perception of their relationship. He may think it’s a casual FWB and she may think it a full on monogamous relationship. She won’t know until she asks, tho.
Damn, is E the LW’s husband?
That’s cool. I guess I just wanted to see the transformation based on Wendy’s advice. No worries though, I hope it works for LW.
Oh well, I am sometimes a little too nosy. 🙂
Hmm, LW would you be amenable to posting a link to your pictures? I don’t have a Match account, so I can’t see the before or after pictures.
I still have zero idea how anyone can think this grown adult man is a totally OK dude for grabbing and kissing a 19-year-old who gave him zero indication of interest.
But he didn’t grab her and kiss her without warning. That shit would have been an assault.
He grabbed her hand, presumably, to get her attention. That happens all.of.the.time in crowded clubs. Guys touch your shoulder, etc (except your lady bits, no dude should be grabbing your bits or your bum to get your attention).
After engaging with her (talking and dancing), he thought the natural progression of their encounter was to kiss her. Was he wrong? We don’t know because we weren’t there. We have no idea what the vibe was.
I just find it telling that the only thing she was actually upset over was that her parents might find out that he was a person of color. Also, she made a HUGE point of telling us that the guy was ugly (she probably attributed that to his color) and of a different race.
I agree with the others who didn’t classify this as assault.
Because I am a woman of color (specifically a black woman), I have a decidedly different perspective on this letter. I honestly don’t think that she’s upset about ‘making out’ with a guy. She’s upset because it was a black guy. Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for some people to raise their daughters to believe that all black men are out to rape them (Google Rosewood Massacre of 1923, the death of Emmit Till, stories told to European women about black soldiers, and the countless other stories in which black men have been wrongly incarcerated for alleged assault & rapes of white women).
Honestly, her story sounds like the thousands of stories that I’ve heard my entire life about white women who get sexually or romantically involved with black men then when it’s discovered they cry assault/rape. I just have a hard time believing it was an actual assault when she engaged or failed to disengage during the encounter.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m a huge proponent of prosecuting and punishing anyone (black, white, or otherwise) who rapes or assaults a woman but I gotta give side eye to any woman who told us that she ‘made out with a guy’ and then panicked because she thinks her parents are going to find out that he’s black.
@MissDre,
Touche.
He may just not be into her as she is him. There may not be another woman, he just may not want to be with her in any serious way.
