Kate
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I only do gel if I’m going on vacation because the removal process bugs me. I did dip once, they literally dip your nail in colored powder and paint clear layers over it. It’s kind of cool but not my thing. It makes your nails look thick, and it’s soooo hard, the removal was crazy. Also I don’t need my polish to stay intact for 3 weeks, because my cuticles start looking bad well before that and I just want a fresh manicure.
I can paint my own nails decently well, and I really like Olive & June products for that, but I just would rather have a professional give me a regular nice mani once a week and deal with my cuticles.
I think if he was bananas about something to that degree, be prepared to find he’s not over it. The desk sounds like a control thing. Your work would pay for the desk, chair, monitor, etc. of your choosing, right? You could get a standing desk, or whatever desk you want. But for some reason he’s got to make the desk, which will take time, and will be the desk he wants. It sounds like a way to stall and also have your wfh continue to be an issue. I hope not, but it looks weird. Like, why was he not making a desk this whole time you were wfh 2-3 days a week and sitting on the couch?
Can you say to him that you appreciate so much that he’s willing to make a desk, but you’ve got a budget from work and you’d like to set up the office in the most comfortable way, pretty quickly so you can get settled in? I sense that you couldn’t.
Do you think things are fine 99% of the time because you go with the flow and don’t call him out? Or is he truly cool except for 1% of the time he acts very irrational and controlling?
If he’s reasonable 99% of the time and this is just a freakout, I feel like you should be able to say, look, this behavior is unacceptable. Get a grip.
I had an ex who would have episodes of weirdness, like he tried on the same pair of jeans in a 32 and a 34 for what seemed like an hour in a dressing room, and then later got really wound up and yelled at me for not stating a strong opinion. Or he got mad at me because I said I don’t like cooking a recipe if I don’t have more than one of the ingredients. Stuff like that, and if I tried to talk to him he’d deflect and blame me. Was he angry and yelling a large percent of the time? No. He could be cool and fun. But overall he was honestly deeply weird and disturbed and had issues from childhood. We were not *happy* but we stayed together for years.
If my current husband or myself are having a freakout, the one can either say to the other, “you need to get a grip,” or we know what to do to get each other out of it. But there’s no meanness or controlling.
I know that was kind of a tangent, but trying to assess how things are in general.
It’s not okay for him to behave like this, with irrational tantrums when he doesn’t like something or feels out of control. Especially when you typically just give in to avoid trouble.
Would you consider asking him to do some sessions of couples counseling to get to the bottom of this? Is it possible you two work better as a couple when you’re not living together?
Is it things like a monitor, printer, ergonomic chair/desk? Like, sure, those can be expensive, but it sounds like they’re covering it. Running the A/C seems like a wash with gas?
That idea to ask your boss for half the rent they’re saving is just bonkers. Just in general is he kind of nuts? Because this is like, a completely normal business circumstance where they just don’t need a physical location anymore. They’re allowing you to keep your job and be totally remote. It’s great. This is nothing for any rational person to get upset about, unless, like, you live in a 1-BR apartment and the one spouse is already wfh. In which case you figure something out, like coffee shops or a Workbar. It sounds like he wants to always be calling the shots about everything, which is alarming.
I’d be like, I like this job. I’m happy with it. They are no longer going to have a physical office, which means I’ll be fully remote. I’m glad to be able to keep this job. They’re compensating me for home expenses. What are your concerns about this? No, I am not going to ask for half the rent savings, that’s bonkers.
Ok, that’s odd! I’m struggling to understand why he’d be upset about you going from 2-3 days a week at home to 5 days. And getting paid more! In the US no one pays you more for wfh, running the heat and A/C, having to set up an office.
Does HE work outside the home FT? If this were an unknown poster, I’d be thinking is he jealous because he doesn’t get to wfh? I don’t get it. I think maybe keep talking to him and try to get to the bottom of his actual concerns.
Why is he calling it “his” house, though?
So were you working part time, from work, and they switched you to full time, from home? I think I need more detail on the circumstances and why it looks scammy to him. I want to assume good intent on his part. His arguments seem a little out there, so I’m trying to figure out what he’s reacting to.
Hanging up isn’t a good thing, but arguing by phone isn’t great either, and it’s possible he felt so attacked / things escalated so much, he needed to leave the situation and didn’t have the words to communicate “I need a break.” Maybe?
What happened after that?
Yeah but even your generation had internalized this from their parents like you say. From the patriarchy. My mom definitely got this from her dad. She’s 73.
The serum one? Yeah, it’s so easy. I wear it for work. It’s very light, doesn’t bother me at all, and also doesn’t rub off from a mask.
Yes, in the 1950s. And then they produce more of them so it’s a cycle of toxic masculinity.
