anonymousse
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“And that as long as we have one good, small conversation during the day that I wouldn’t care if he didn’t text me all day long after that.” Those are the words you wrote.
Look, you know you’re clingy. You wrote it in the title.
I’m saying regardless of what he said, and his faults and what he did wrong, you are/were clingy. Yeah, I don’t think he should have lied to you over and over and pretended to love you. That’s a whole other can of red flags that have already been covered. But I don’t really care what he did because he’s not writing in for advice. Be less clingy is good advice for you. Try it sometime.
“I was extremely nervous about texting him too much or being too clingy because he is not a great texter.”
That sounds like you know that you tend to be clingy.But in trying to be less clingy, asking him if the amount and kind of texting is okay made your clinginess stand out every time you asked. Asking if you are needy sounds needy. I don’t make the rules.
If you are “extremely young,” then the guys you seeing are also young and thus, immature. They meet obligations often with a silent refusal to participate.
How much you texted him without him responding was too much, too soon. It’s great everyone your age thinks the exact of amount of texting you want is insanely fair, but we’re not talking about them, we’re talking about you being clingy with this guy who didn’t really like you that much.
Telling someone when and how to text you is micromanaging.
I know you’re feeling defensive, but try to push down that impulse and see that multiple people read your post and saw similar issues with what you asked advice for. It’s not the advice you wanted, but maybe it’s what you need? Your friends already told you what you wanted to hear.
This was never going to be the guy for you, clearly- but take this experience and learn from it.
I think you text too much, and I think you know that. I think you were asking for a lot and way too fast, which does make you seem clingy. In a long term relationship, asking for a good morning text isn’t a big deal. But a guy you’d seen how many times before that? Way too early for that. No guy wants to get paragraphs of your feelings via text. If someone barely responds to you, you need to text less to them, not more.
No one wants to be told how to be to you. It’s like you didn’t even date, you went from meeting to a relationship with expectations. And you’re getting all hung up on him not being honest with you. A lot of people say the easiest thing they can to get out of awkward or stressful situation. That’s what he was doing. He was saying it’s fine, but meanwhile not replying for 14 hours. So that should tell you he doesn’t like texting so much, and wasn’t into you enough to make that effort. Read someone’s actions more than their words.
For some people your daily quota of texts would be fine. But a lot will not like it. I think you should really try to lower your expectations for texting and slow down a little bit. And having expectations of behavior like this so soon is going to trip you up next time. Try being a touch more casual and easygoing about that. Leave some room for him to surprise you with a text you didn’t have to ask for.
Great idea, Kate.
Rgcarr, as you continue to pursue young women, stop dating women your age if you are just going to dump them because they aren’t fertile enough for you.
I’m sorry, I still don’t see where you’d discussed why you wouldn’t date a single mother.
Thanks for answering all those questions, although I wrote them mostly for you to think about. I find a lot of older men wanting children don’t consider what having a newborn to care for 24/7 actually is like. We’ve had other men your age write in with very similar desires but having never having really spent any significant amount of time with kids. It’s great you have a lot of experience around kids.
I appreciate you really want children. I am actually a younger wife with an older husband. But we still got started on kids much earlier. My oldest child is nearly seven and my husband just turned 50.
I would encourage you to get your fertility/general health checked if you haven’t. It’s a misconception that men of any age can father healthy children. Risks increase with age of both the mother and father. And you never know, the clock could be ticking or you could have a low sperm count.
Best of luck finding that special someone.
I’m curious how you know you want kids. Have you built relationships with children- are you an uncle? Do you volunteer for the boys and girls club? Have a lot of friends with kids? Have you ever taken care of a newborn? A baby? A toddler? Why do you think you’d be a good father? Have you mentored children?
Have you considered a surrogate, adoption, fostering?
Or dating a single mother is a great idea.Beyond all the things previously discussed, I do think you should see a therapist because time is running out. You cannot have a child with the hope it will give you the unconditional love you desire. You cannot being a child into this world win the expectation that it will fulfill you. It’s interesting that this pretty abstract idea of having a child at your age has become more important than building a relationship with someone you love.
That’s thrilling! Congratulations!
Don’t throw parties for people if you don’t want to. No, I wouldn’t throw a party for her if you’re going through shit. If she was your best friend I would say differently, but your best friend wouldn’t even think of asking you to do so while you’re dealing with your own life. So don’t throw her a shower, and don’t feel bad about not doing so. Don’t even bring it up.
You can mute her on your phone. If seeing that you have a text from her triggers you, you can block her number for however long you want to avoid her, and unblock her later. Don’t feel bad. It’s your mental health you need to protect.
Why did you throw her a huge birthday party? Just because someone says something like that does not mean you need to act on it.
On the surface, I wouldn’t take her messages as anything more than she’s trying to be nice. Ask her once more to give you space, or just mute or block her number for a little while. If you don’t count her as a friend, you can mute her if she’s not listening to what you want.
In the US it seems like it’s every person for themself. There is no system in place for mass vaccination countrywide, so every state is different, even the counties in each state can be different. There are many stories of rich white people going to poor communities and getting vaccinated ahead of actually eligible people. There are mass vaccination centers in cities, but anti-vaxxers successfully protested and shut one down in LA last week, lines can be miles long and waits can be really long, even if you have an appointment. It’s crazy. I honestly don’t know what older people without help are doing. Probably not getting vaccinated unless they are savvy to the labyrinthian bureaucracy we have in place.
I feel you, Hfantods. My in laws have basically just shut us out. The last time we saw them, they were coming by to drop off Xmas gifts and came into my house without masks on. We were all wearing masks and my FIL seemed taken aback, like it was an insult to him personally for us to be wearing them.
The sad irony is, he founded a consulting company on workplace safety/OSHA.
