anonymousse
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It was not the relative’s place to share this (true or not) information and it’s not your place to hide things from her and take it to outside parties.
No grown adult I know needs someone to “soften the blow.” Humans are resilient. She’s not a child.
I hope/think your trying to do your best for her, but this comes off really patronizing.To answer your question- I would have asked my partner first. I would not have obeyed the meddling relative’s instructions. I would have told my partner exactly what they said, verbatim. In person, face to face OR on the phone if necessary.
You said you’ve trusted her completely. She told you about her past issues with depression and drinking. She’s your gf, dude. That’s the person you owe loyalty to.
Now you have-
Lied to her about what the phone call was about
Gone behind her back to discuss with a third party (it doesn’t matter that you consider this person a vault, you broke her trust)
Lied to her again about what the relative said
That relative sure is good at wrecking her relationships.
I would be so pissed if I was the gf.
That you didn’t trust me, didn’t tell me and then brought in a third party for clarification.
Even if it’s true, (that she USED to use drugs) this is all disrespectful IMO.
Who wouldn’t be angry that their relative told their boyfriend they used to be addicted to cocaine and heroin, and that if he left them, they’d commit suicide?
You don’t owe the relative anything.
You really should try to see your gf and tell her what that person said, unedited. She should know what her relative is saying behind her back.Your mind is going wild with suspicions and this is exactly why you should have shared this immediately.
Imagine how she’s going to feel that you didn’t trust her enough to tell her.
If this is just bs, this relative is messed up.
Anyone who uses someone else’s possible suicide to manipulate you into silence probably isn’t coming from a place of good intentions.
It’s unfair and manipulative for that relative to have said those things to you. Whoever it was clearly has a problem with boundaries. If there’s any possibility of talking to her face to face sooner, you should make it happen. If this relative calls you again, I would tell them that you aren’t going to keep secrets from your gf.
Sometimes there are tough conversations in relationships. If you love and respect her, you’ll ask her about it and let her explain or confess, or whatever. You’ve seen nothing that makes you think she has a problem. She’s told you about this relative’s habit of meddling.
There’s also a chance she experimented with drugs, and this relative has blown it out of proportion. You’ve been with her for two years. Give her the chance to set the record straight.
You need to tell her. At this point, it kind of seems like you don’t trust her or don’t trust her to be honest with you.
Imagine the roles were reversed, and you had a family member telling your gf sensitive/possibly untrue information about you. You’d hope she’d ask you about it, right?
And although you didn’t ask, I don’t think buying a home together sounds like a good idea right now. She’s out of work and you clearly have a lot of room to grow on communicating.
I’m sorry, JD. Take care of yourself. ❤️
Wait, didn’t you just argue for pages that this wasn’t sexual, there was no flirting, it was just for companionship? What does it matter if his marriage is actually open or not? (Not that I believe it is, and even if it was- your wife comes first, not a stranger on the internet.)
The more you try to explain why you can’t stop texting him, the worse this all sounds. He doesn’t care about you. It’s disturbing that you don’t seem to comprehend or understand that you don’t know him, or his relationship.
Would you honestly be fine with your bf texting another women all day, everyday? Put it into perspective. Even if you are spending time with a friend and they are constantly on their phone, it’s rude.
You might think it’s not your responsibility, but if you consider yourself a mature and fairly moral person, starting a companionship with someone who is married or in a relationship, with someone you admittedly are attracted to, it’s wrong. You can claim it’s not, and you don’t see the problem, but it is and you do- otherwise you wouldn’t have written in.
