anonymousse
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Well said, Wendy.
When you care about someone, and they need help, you show up. That’s what it is. Take the kid out of the equation, take family out. That’s what it is. That, and you said, “if you can’t find someone else, I’ll do it.”
After reading this thread, I’m so very thankful I have kind people in my family.
It’s funny how you always have a convenient personal (and successful) example of whatever harebrained idea you are trying to pass off as good advice.
And your example of that proposal sounds pretty cruel and manipulative. She’s crying and emotional, and he keeps putting it off to when he’s feeling comfortable? That doesn’t sound great at all.
If you need a proposal for proof that he loves you, you shouldn’t be in a relationship with him, let alone engaged or married. You’d know it if he loved you, you’d know it if you were headed towards marriage or not. If you feel you have to resort to ultimatums and threats to feel secure and loved, it’s time to end it.
Being married is not an item to check off the list.It’s a one time request and in two years you’ve never been asked to watch him overnight, which tells me that you are probably everyone’s last choice to ask for help, which means they’ve asked all the normal people they have as backups.
You get to decide to be a helpful and kind sister/aunt or not. That’s on you.
I have two kids under the age of four AND I watch my niece overnight as often as I can because I love her, I love her her mother and I know she needs a break. Does it exhaust me? Absolutely. Is it fun? Not really, but it helps her out and I know she needs help.
Your comments about how much she uses childcare are judgemental and just beyond the pale. What does that even have to do with this situation?
Yes, you should have said no from the beginning if it’s such a big deal to you to help her out this ONE time. Instead, you said, I will if no one else can. And here you are. Clearly no one else can help her.
Who cares that she had plans to camp? It’s her sister. Sometimes, you suck it up for your family.
Suck it up and help her. This is the first time she’s asked this of you. Overnight is easy because (shocker!) the kid is asleep.
She probably had tried to change her shift, and she can’t. Just help her.And you’re judgemental comments about how she doesn’t actually like to watch her son…wtf? Parents vent. Parenting under the best of circumstances is hard. I love my children to the ends of this earth and also I absolutely complain about them because kids are hard, life is hard, and being a parent is hard. I can only imagine what it’s like to work nights and take care of kids during the day. Have some compassion, suck it up and help her out or hire a sitter for her. Stop judging her.
Right, but not Harvey Weinstein (actual rape of many women) level.
I would say it’s absolutely not okay for a high school teacher to date a student, but I wouldn’t agree a former student (or in some instances in university/grad schools) and teacher consenually dating is in the same category as Harvey Weinstein.
I’ve known a good amount of college professors who chose that career for the access to young, impressionable women and the nice schedule. That’s slightly different than high school students, but not much.
Okay, first of all this isn’t love, it’s a teenage crush mixed with maybe sexual attraction. Add that into your raging hormones, a close girlfriend who also see his attractive qualities and this is where you end up. Nothing is wrong with you! But you need to never act on this type of inappropriate idea.
And Lucidity, that’s absolutely not true. Many, many predator types go into careers (especially education) just in order to swoop up naive and unsuspecting kids. Most teachers are good people, but not all. Many teachers are not virtuous.
So, Irene, I doubt he feels that way, but if he ever gave a hint of interest, that’s when you know he’s not a good man.
Distance yourself, get more involved in activities your enjoy with people your own age and you’ll meet more age appropriate men when you are ready.You’ll find men who have the same qualities you are attracted to, but also in a similar age/life era as you. That will be a much better match than an old man with kids your age.
I had a few psycho moments. I dated a real sociopath when I was in college. I would literally find hair ties, single earrings, etc in his bed and he’d claim he’d had a party or friends were over and all sitting on his bed, smoking pot in his room. I was such an idiot, I believed it all. Like, ALL the red flags.
Later on, I moved in with him, and our other housemate would even leave me cryptic notes trying to tell me what was going on. I began to feel crazy when I’d ask and beg for the truth and he’d lie and charm and gaslight me into thinking I was nuts.
I finally caught him in bed with one particular girl once and totally flipped out. He locked me out of my own place with her still inside with him. I waited in the alley next to our place to confront her and then he and I basically brawled in the front entryway with an entire kitchen staff of a fancy restaurant across the street watching us. It was a bad scene.
Did anyone see the news story about the woman charged with stalking after texting a man she met online 65,000 times?!?! (And also apparently breaking and entering and taking a bath in his house.)
After you berate somone over something she repeatedly says was petty, you often have a partner, child, etc who is just so tired of the emotional abuse that they have nothing left to say. (No fucks left to give.)
She kicked him out, remember Diana?
