Boyfriend and stripclubs
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Yeah, I think it was weak for himnot to be like, yeah, I’ve been to strip clubs. Yes, I’ve had a lap dance in the past. Just own it. This isn’t the same thing as “does my ass look fat” or “do I have the biggest dick?” That’s when you wouldn’t be wrong to tell someone what they want to hear. But I don’t want a weak guy who lies about everything in his past and parrots back what I say. Just tell me the truth in the first place. Asking if he’s ever been to a strip club is a normal question. Everyone asks each other that.
I get that it doesn’t *need* to be asked, because duh, yes, they did, but it’s still a question everyone asks.
Thanks everyone. Any advice for how to just get over it? It bothers me to the point that I’m sick to my stomach and have been scouring over the internet for days. Not the best at just letting things go I suppose.
There’s no advice on how to get over it. He lied to you and that’s that. How can you trust him now that he says he won’t get a lapdance? You can’t.
“Do you think it’s acceptable to get lap dances including touching from strippers?” is a reasonable question to ask somebody.
If you would consider it unacceptable (as this LW does), that’s something to clarify now. Was the guy single when he was groping strippers? Was he in a relationship, and did he not consider it cheating? Would he do it again while in a serious relationship with the LW?
The only way to get over it is if you stopped caring about strip clubs. But you do care, you hate them. And your boyfriend, who lied to you in the first place, is going to one.
Advice on getting over it? Hmmm….it may just come with life experience (which is not equal to age). There are things I DO NOT get over. Believe me! So this is a sticking point for you. Ok now how to get past it. Assuming you feel he is a generally trustworthy, honest man, give the benefit of the doubt on topics like this. The type of thing people answer in a certain way just because they don’t want to offend, are ashamed, etc. So that part is important to move past if you trust him. Truly. You for sure have saved face with someone before and you are actually lying but not in a cruel way just to save face.
The fact that he will go to a strip club. Mark is right. These strippers have zero desire to be with your boyfriend. Let me tell you for almost all men, minus a small amount, lap dances are actually rather awkward and uncomfortable. Sounds fun then it’s happening and it is odd. Doesn’t mean he doesn’t like the view but still a bit awkward. Most of these outings are truly just silly guys fun bachelor party stuff. It is pretty standard, drink too much, see girls (girls see drunk guys and just think oh hes drunk) and then they party and pass out face down.
The strippers in Vegas are not the problem, believe me. It would be the other people there to party (women). BUT you trust him, you know he understands how you feel.
PS. even though the strip club thing doesn’t offend me every single time I’ve had a boyfriend do that bachelor thing my phone is ringing off the hook. “hey babe miss you”. It is amazing what that can do to make your SO wish they were home Netflixing with pizza and you. He just wants to come home to you at the end of it. I am quite sure of that!
When I was 18 I asked dumb questions like this. “Do you think SuperhotfratboySteve is hot!” The answer, “Fuck yeah! Is he down for a threeway!” stressed me out for several weeks. Months! Maybe a year?
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And it was all so fucking dumb.
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Of course Chris thought SuperhotfratboySteve was hot! Everybody on the fucking planet thought so at the time. Self included! More, years too late I learned we SO could have had that threeway!!!
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I dunno. I guess after watching so many fools needlessly scortch off their fingers — I really just wish more would simply stop with the foolishly plunging their hands into the red hot burning flames.I will never understand the “Don’t ask questions!” school of thought. For casual hookups, sure, keep your insecure thoughts to yourself. Early in the relationship, maybe, shut it down.
For a person you think you want to MARRY someday? Ask those questions, for Pete’s sake! Get the uncomfortableness out of the way before you’re legally bound. Find out what you can get over and what you can’t.
Eh, my point is… Had I simply not been so needy and insecure about this, I’d have been better off. Especially since I later slept with superhotfratguySteve and thus gleefully learned he was way more into me than Chris because he seriously dug too-tall, too-skinny, too-lanky guys… So all my insecurity that chris would leave me for Steve was rather hilariously misguided to say the least.
