Boyfriend and stripclubs
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- This topic has 135 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 7 years, 6 months ago by Kate.
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BittergaymarkMay 2, 2017 at 3:08 pm #684529
Eh, call me crazy — but, somehow, I am so not convinced that had he truthfully said…
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“Strip-clubs! love em! I used to get lap dances All the time… well, not all the time, but ten times… what? Yeah, there was some touching. Why?”
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…that everything would now be sunshine and lollipop smelling roses…FyodorMay 2, 2017 at 3:19 pm #684532I think that there are certain types of youthful past behavior – partying, sex lives, strip clubs, etc that, absent health concerns, and assuming that the behaviors that have been truly given up, don’t reflect accurately on your present day character and don’t need to be shared with new romantic partners. Espeically since they’re the kind of thing that romantic partners may react to disproportionately. And while you should ideally never lie, I don’t think that lying about them is the same as other kinds of lies and calls the trustworthiness of an otherwise honest person into question.
May 2, 2017 at 3:23 pm #684535LW, I think you should tell him you are very disappointed he lied to you and ask him to talk to you about this. Depending on how that goes…good luck.
And guys, nasty, nasty stuff happens at some strip clubs. Let’s not pretend it’s all cool and clean because that’s not the truth at all. I’m just saying!
And I say this as someone who has gone to strip clubs, and even with SOs.Northern StarMay 2, 2017 at 3:23 pm #684536This guy’s buddies ratted him out accidentally. I think there’s plenty of question about whether this is ongoing behavior or youthful past behavior. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?
Of course, since the LW isn’t planning to make any changes based off this new information, it doesn’t really matter. She’ll just have to wait for the sick feeling to recede, somehow, eventually. Or have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy regarding strip clubs, I guess.
BittergaymarkMay 2, 2017 at 3:27 pm #684539I’m sure he can and will explain it better than I can. But I believe his point was if you are asked an UNFAIR question — and he and I would both deem lifetime porn / strip club history as falling into this category — then lying IS acceptable. He was comparing oranges to grapefruits, sure. But he was NOT saying everybody should lie about their sexual history.
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