Boyfriend and stripclubs
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What in the world are you talking about, Ron? Interview questions? You’re OK with lying to your future spouse about all sexual history, including your future pregnancy plans?
What?
I think if you get asked an illegal interview question, you just say you’re not comfortable discussing that. Which is an option in any situation…
Eh, call me crazy — but, somehow, I am so not convinced that had he truthfully said…
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“Strip-clubs! love em! I used to get lap dances All the time… well, not all the time, but ten times… what? Yeah, there was some touching. Why?”
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…that everything would now be sunshine and lollipop smelling roses…“And FTR, my understanding is that the ‘champagne room’ is where covert paid sex with strippers happen, so if he was in the champagne room there might have been sex (even just a BJ).”
This myth has been debunked. In song no less!
Ron’s point is a reach, sure. But I am so not getting how it so sailed so completely over your head, Northern Star. As what you are suggesting is SO not at all what Ron is saying.
I think that there are certain types of youthful past behavior – partying, sex lives, strip clubs, etc that, absent health concerns, and assuming that the behaviors that have been truly given up, don’t reflect accurately on your present day character and don’t need to be shared with new romantic partners. Espeically since they’re the kind of thing that romantic partners may react to disproportionately. And while you should ideally never lie, I don’t think that lying about them is the same as other kinds of lies and calls the trustworthiness of an otherwise honest person into question.
What is Ron’s point, then, BGM? It would be great if you could explain it to me. I don’t get how a woman applying for a job is similar to a boyfriend deciding whether or not to be truthful to his girlfriend about his strip club habits.
LW, I think you should tell him you are very disappointed he lied to you and ask him to talk to you about this. Depending on how that goes…good luck.
And guys, nasty, nasty stuff happens at some strip clubs. Let’s not pretend it’s all cool and clean because that’s not the truth at all. I’m just saying!
And I say this as someone who has gone to strip clubs, and even with SOs.This guy’s buddies ratted him out accidentally. I think there’s plenty of question about whether this is ongoing behavior or youthful past behavior. That’s the whole point, isn’t it?
Of course, since the LW isn’t planning to make any changes based off this new information, it doesn’t really matter. She’ll just have to wait for the sick feeling to recede, somehow, eventually. Or have a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy regarding strip clubs, I guess.
I’m sure he can and will explain it better than I can. But I believe his point was if you are asked an UNFAIR question — and he and I would both deem lifetime porn / strip club history as falling into this category — then lying IS acceptable. He was comparing oranges to grapefruits, sure. But he was NOT saying everybody should lie about their sexual history.
