Boyfriend and stripclubs
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Thanks, Sara. I kinda wondered if anybody would even get that. Or appreciate it. As it was, both pretty left field and a non-sequitor.
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PS: Screw cheesecake! It’s high time we both hit the Rusty Anchor…I have posted three or four times in this thread that I think that there are some limited specific things (drinking, hooking up, partying) that are (A) very common when people are younger and stupider (B) people grow out of (C) reflect poorly on the doers but are not huge ethical moral lapses. I never said that ALL past behavior was somehow exempt. If he had killed and eaten someone that would be something he’d be obligated to tell her. Cheating is a closer case.
Y’all are acting like his statement about strip clubs are some kind of manipulative gaslighting, but often people do things when they’re younger that they now see as gross and unsavory.
Right! Maybe he’s the LW on the main page who is trying to lose weight or one of the women messaging him who would like to lose weight so she can spurn him.
Needlessly so. Pointlessly so. But hey — look — if she wants to needlessly and pointlessly BLOW up what is apparently the best relationship she’s ever been in over something as trivial as this… Well, I’m sure amazon presently stocks an amazing guide book on how to pick out the least desperate sounding names for multiple cats…
.It is and I don’t mean to say that she’s not allowed to be upset. But people come here in part for a little bit of a gut-check. If some guy came in and felt super betrayed because he found out that his otherwise great wife slept with ten guys instead of three in college five years before they met, I’d probably tell him that maybe he should have some perspective about these things and that he was an idiot for asking about things that he couldn’t handle maturely.
Exactly. Better yet — I’d sure love to see a letter from a guy hopelessly threatened (sick to his stomach even!) with the grim news that (GASP!) his fiance had a regular tab at Thunder Down Under…
I personally don’t get it. He went to the strip clubs, he can’t change that. He never told you because I’m sure your feelings on the subject were made MORE than apparent. It came out against his will and now you’re in a disagreement you would have been in if he’d told you anyway. And admit it, you would have been just as mad if he’d been honest because you hate strip clubs because you’re angry about him going to one now.
Does this change how he’s treated you? Do you see him generally disrespecting women or being gross? Does he work with you to create a future together? Do you feel loved and respected in all other areas?
If the answer is yes to those then you’re creating problems where they don’t need to be and you need to stop. He said he’d never gone and hated all that (and said some pretty terrible things about the women he had no problem spending money on at the time so maybe focus on THAT) because he was caught between a rock and a hard place. If you’d never found out you would never have known and never cared because believe it or not generally people who go to strip clubs can be pretty normal people. Unless you’d prefer he wear his scarlet A on his forehead?
