Boyfriend and stripclubs
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One of his issues is that he was being dumb when he lied. He went way too far into the lie (like discussing his viewpoints, “never” having gotten a lap dance, etc.) rather than just omitting info. I think that’s what makes him look deception is that he gave way more false info than he needed to give for the purposes. The other dumb thing he did was lie about something that was apparently going to be found out and that he was going to reveal that he lied about.
This isn’t just about whether it’s OK or not to go to a strip club. It’s him telling her about himself and choosing to lie rather than portray himself accurately. To me, it’s similar to if you aren’t a fan of guns and your partner says, “I hate guns. Never shot one. I really don’t think people should own guns.” And then they say they are going shooting with friends, and you’re like WTF? and they say, “Oh, well, actually I’ve owned several guns during my life. I go hunting sometimes and it’s really fun.” I think saying that this is totally fine because he’s trying to avoid her judging him or getting upset is a slippery slope because a person could do that for anything. And it makes you wonder just how afraid of judgment the person is. Is this the only thing they lie about? Or did they also hide other things?
Again, you’re really hilariously projecting. LW… Please. Shed some light on this subject… how exactly was this brought up? Who brought it up? Give us some rough quotes… were leading questions involved?
In the end, the lies that matter are the ones that impact you. Financial debt, infidelity, addiction, those impact your relationship and your life. If the behavior is truly in the past, issues like strip clubs, former sex partners, and pornography don’t actually matter in the long run.
Well, the behavior he is lying about, going to strip clubs, is not in the past, she says he has a few friends getting married and will have the bachelor’s parties at strip clubs.
So any guy who is dating/married to a woman who doesn’t like strip clubs lies to her about strip clubs. He either lies about what went on, or if he even went. Any guy who’s dating/married to a woman who doesn’t mind strip clubs, always rats out the other guy, because he thinks since his wife/girlfriend is cool with it, they all are!
This guy being a champagne room type guy is still probably leaving a lot details out about what has happened, or is going to happen.
Mrs. Gunderson, our grade school teacher, oh, she was the nicest woman you’d ever want to meet, but as the years went by, she got her facts a little confused. In biology class she started telling kids that the human body was made up of 80% Ovaltine. While we were studying WWI, she told us mustard gas was something you got from eating too many hot dogs. That’s why to this day in St. Olaf, everyone celebrates the fourth of july with a thin omelet on a bun.
I get what people are saying about his strip club visits occurring in the past, llike in college, but even then I would still be upset! I don’t like strip clubs at all and told my boyfriend so before he went to one for a bachelor party. We had a good heart to heart about it and he admitted going to strip clubs in the past with his college friends. I was upset, but I’m still glad he told me.
Because of my personal experience, it feels deceptive to leave that information out after he knew how she felt about it.
I would say that if she told her about it, that she should trust him now to go and know his limitations in terms of what she would be ok with vs not ok. But since he didn’t, and she presumably found out through another person, or snooping (?), then I myself would have a hard time trusting the guy to not cross boundaries.
Bagge, are you from NH too? My fifth-grade teacher said Acapulco was in Canada. She stashed her smokes and lighter in the girls’ room and always drank from a suspicious Diet 7-Up can.
He did tell me he had been to strip clibs. I asked if he had any lapdances and he said no I would never do that…..
See, Fyodor, you’re making a ton of assumptions about this guy that may not be true.
1.) This behavior is in the past. How do you know?
2.) He feels ashamed of his actions. How do you know?
3.) He won’t get lap dances as he goes to strip clubs with his buddies. Again: How do you know?If this guy merely avoided telling his girlfriend about a dozen past lap dances, that would be one thing. He actively lied to her face, though, which means he could/would totally do it again.
LW, you need to find a way to be OK with him getting lap dances. That’s the only solution.
Well if you asked him specifically about lapdances and he lied about it, the same would still apply. Especially since he got a lot of lapdances, you said 10+ right?
Not from NH, though we do have a family cottage in Holderness, on Squam lake. I’m from the great city of Braintree, MA. Well that’s were I reside now, I’m from a bit south of there.
