Family problems. Need advice ASAP
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March 13, 2018 at 2:34 pm #742955
Most people don’t consider moving to a new apartment an achievement. It’s a change but not an achievement. I say that as a parent with a son in an apartment. It’s a life stage and a good move to be an independent adult but still I have never heard any parent call their child moving into another apartment an achievement.
March 13, 2018 at 2:36 pm #742956Guess she saw you were out of the country and thought this would be a good time to troll again.
GET HELP. YOU ARE NO OK, this is not ok. It’s been going on for 2 1/2 years now! Aren’t you bored yet?
ronMarch 13, 2018 at 3:52 pm #742985LW admits she’s had mental health issues for years. These tend to wax and wane. She doesn’t recognize it, or perhaps is hoping they go away if she ignores them, but clearly she is having problems again and therapy or meds are called for. Mold certainly could trigger an episode as mold is a severe attack on your immune system and general health.
ronMarch 13, 2018 at 3:57 pm #742989As an add on, I think LW should help her mother with the condo. That request is likely a pretext to have a chance for a long talk with her, probably away from her father. She probably does have very real issues with her father. A lot of mental health issues have a genetic component, so it wouldn’t be surprising to learn that her father has problems. It also wouldn’t be surprising to learn that she was coaxed to leave home because she and her father were having problems. Some parents require the rest of the family to walk on egg shells. Some children are better at that than others. I’ve seen this in my extended family.
MMRMarch 13, 2018 at 4:20 pm #742992I’m a little late to the party here, but LW, you should stop comparing how your parent treat your sisters with how they treat you. It’s way easier said that done, but you’re not your sister – you’re a completely different person.
Rather than blaming them for their reaction, it will be much more helpful to try to understand it. Some things that may partially explain their behaviour:
1. Are you older now than your sisters were when they moved?
2. You say you’ve been independent since you were 19 – maybe to them this doesn’t seem like the huge step because you’ve already been out on your own?
3. Did they know that your bf’s parents were coming to help? Maybe they thought you didn’t need them there from a practical perspective.
4. What is going on in their lives? Were they really preoccupied with the beach house? Is there other stuff you don’t know about?Either way, being independent from your parents includes being less invested in them emotionally too. You may have started paying your own way a while ago, but you need to starting managing your own emotions and communicating clearly with people when you’re upset.
My parents haven’t visited me in the 12 years since I lived at home. And they don’t really seem to keep much track of what’s going on in my life to ask many questions or make many comments aside from “How is work?” “How is your car?” I don’t know if your parents normally are a little self-absorbed, but sometimes people’s individual personalities sort of override what we think a person should/would do as a parent. Like I think that a parent should want to visit me, but the individuals who are my parents find where they live interesting and a select few vacation spots (Vegas, the beach, etc.), but nowhere else. So, their interest in my life does not really have a big place in my happiness. When I’m looking for validation, I look for it in myself (being excited about my life) or from friends (who are excited for me). You may find that you need to do that with your parents. (Some people also stop finding milestones interesting after they’ve passed them (so someone who has had their own place for decades doesn’t always remember that it’s exciting when it first happens), which I don’t think is maybe the best family/friend quality, but it is what it is.
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