Guy friend confessed his feelings hours after my breakup
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So, you found out your friend actually wants to date you. After dropping hints all along that he wants to date you.
You didn’t find out he killed your cat or slept with your boyfriend or sabotaged your job or something. Just drop him as a friend and move on. His lame social media posting just makes him look, well… pathetic.
He doesn’t owe you specific support after your breakup. He doesn’t have to be the friend you NEED (find a girlfriend for that). And you certainly don’t owe him a relationship. Just ignore him and block him on Facebook/Instagram/Twitter.
I just keep getting madder and madder on your behalf the more I think about this.
You just ended a year and a half relationship, which when you’re twenty, is a fairly substantial relationship.
Now in addition to dealing with your own emotions from the demise of that relationship, he’s trying to burden you with additional emotional fallout from his own hurt feelings.
Fuck you dude.
He’s obviously not writing in and isn’t going to listen to someone like me, but really, if you have such strong feelings for a platonic friend and you just can’t handle that, do yourself a favor and distance yourself. Or accept that it’s just going to be friendship, and put the romantic and sexual feelings aside. It’s not like having a wonderful friend is a terrible consolation prize!
What he’s doing is just so shitty and yet so so common.
Basically every woman posting here has had the experience of having had who they thought was a solid dude friend, only to have his feelings and rage at rejection blow up in her face. Somehow its her (our) fault that these dudes can’t manage their own emotions and disappointment.
A lot of guys – most guys – aren’t like this, but there are enough bad apples there that it can make women wary of male-female friendships, which sucks.
Ok I just literally rolled my eyes reading his passive agressive IG caption. Block, block, block. Dude is not your friend. Which sucks and hurts, but is in NO WAY your fault. Ugh. Sorry you have to deal with this on top of a break up. Lean on your real friends and take care of yourself.
@northernstar. I mean, it sucks when someone you think is a friend actually just wants to get in your pants.
No, he doesn’t need to be the friend she seeks out for emotional support, but he’s done his damnedest the past year and half convincing her he is/could be that friend. That’s a pretty sucky bait and switch.
He didn’t even wait a full day after her breakup to make his move.
what a rotter. pretending to be your friend while just biding his time. Sorry you’ve wasted friendship time on him, at least you found out fairly soon.
Everyone is getting so mad, but like, this is what people do. It’s a life lesson to learn when someone is a true friend vs wants something from you, and you respond accordingly. This guy was showing all the signs all along and she didn’t realize. Now she knows. And knowing is half the battle!
“my dad thinks we are a couple. he even suggested I try to make moves on you even though you are in a relationship.”
If his dad thought you were a couple he wouldn’t need to suggest he make moves on you. I think the whole dad thing was a lie. Your ex friend was putting out feelers trying to test the waters to see if you were interested in him in a romantic way. The same for the moms all wanting their daughters to date him. He was hoping you would respond in a way that said you wished you could be with him or say that if you weren’t with your boyfriend you’d definitely want to date him. He was also telling you how great he is which isn’t good. Be wary of any guy who brags about himself, which is what that was and be wary of any guy who is suggesting you should cheat on your boyfriend with them which he was also suggesting. Saying it was his dad’s idea was a way to present the option without actually admitting he would be interested in having you cheat on your boyfriend with him.
If something like this comes up with a guy in the future I’d shut it down immediately. Tell them you don’t see them that way.
I’m with Kate on this. The signs were there but when you are young you probably miss them. Now she knows some of the warning signs of someone who is more of a fake friend, real opportunist.
People will do this kind of thing for all sorts of reasons. They might want to use some connection you have. They might be friends so that they can get you to drive them around or lend them your vacation home or so your parent will write a letter of recommendation or because you have money and they hope some of it comes their way.
I thought I’d update you… I sent him one last message. This is what I said:
“Were you ever really my friend? Or were you just stringing me along hoping that I owed you a relationship if you were nice enough to me? Sorry, but people who love each other are supposed to put each other first. You definitely did NOT do that. No matter what you say or how you try to justify it, that is simply not what went down. You betrayed me, Nathan. You presented yourself as somebody who was a genuine friend to me, and who cared about my wellbeing and best interests. You didn’t even wait a full day to confess your feelings for me because you’d “rather be truthful and not keep them in.” That is VERY clearly putting your feelings before mine. That is very clearly NOT being respectful to me or everything that I am going through right now. I went to the Arkells concert with you hours after my breakup with Dylan. Dylan, who I had been in a relationship with, as you mentioned, a year and a half. I was incredibly upset that day. I chose to go to the concert with you because I assumed it would cheer me up. You really didn’t act like my friend at all that day. The way you spoke to me, treated me, looked at me. I mean c’mon. You can’t even deny it. And I was visibly uncomfortable, gave you multiple OBVIOUS signals, and you chose to ignore all of them. And then you justify your inappropriate behaviour by saying it was because I broke up with someone after being in a year and a half relationship with them. In no way do you have the right to use MY breakup as an excuse to justify not being able to control your behaviour. I needed a FRIEND that night. A FRIEND. That is not how you acted. Plus, if you have such strong feelings for a platonic friend that you just cannot seem to suppress you should do yourself a favour and distance yourself.
Your “apology” felt so ingenuine. It really just seemed as if you were trying to guilt trip me. Saying you’re “self-destructive” and blaming your anxiety… I know what it’s like to struggle with that, and I know firsthand that your anxiety may be an explanation, but it is NOT an excuse. And it is certainly not an excuse to act like an asshole. And what was with that Instagram post. I mean, really… How old are we? If you have something you need to say tell ME. Don’t post it passive aggressively on social media to make yourself seem like the victim. You are almost twenty years old! So please, for the love of god, stop being dramatic. Stop victimizing yourself. Stop acting immature and like a child feeling sorry for yourself. Just own up to what you did and don’t make the same mistake with your next friend.”No matter what he says, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to be friends with him again.
He is an immature fuckhead “sorry for making you angry for being myself”.
Stop talking to him, block him. He’s just immature and made up a relationship in his mind and can’t understand why you weren’t ready to move from an 18 month relationship within 18 hours. He’s not toxic, he’s not a psychopath, he’s just a plain old jerk.
