Hello all from Robert
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And the ironic thing is that Robert had the perfect woman for himself and dumped her because he didn’t think she was ambitious enough because she had just one job, was content doing what she did, and didn’t pursue his multi-gig work for yourself existence. Obviously a huge life error, but also an indication that Robert sees his world-view as the only correct one, thus his partner was lazy and the rest of us are robotic cogs in the machine.
I’ve read everything Robert has written and still see his financial life as living totally hand to mouth, rather than that of a successful independent businessman. When you have neither cash nor credit card to pay for repair of the car you depend on for you living…. well, let’s just say not in a position where he should feel empowered to decide the rest of the world’s workers are mindless, robotic cogs in the big, crushing wheel. Sometimes it’s just very hard to summon the courage to take a clear look at yourself, rather than make up justification after justification. Robert’s great, it’s just the rest of the world and all women who are wrong.
It’s just sad to me that you can’t listen to us and go and keep seeing a therapist. It’s been probably close to two years now, right? And you’re nowhere near understanding the idea of what chemistry feels like with another person. Two years of therapy could have led to some real growth or understanding of yourself. You still just don’t want to get it, you just want to argue and be right about how the world and dating and men and women work, even though you have limited and very dated experiences with women yourself.
Yikes. There is so much to say here. But the rest of you have all beat me to the punch. You’ve all put forth a vast list of very, very good points.
So I will keep this short and bitter(gaymark)sweet.
Some people REALLY just need to accept the obvious reality that they are simply going to end up alone.
BGM speaks truth….I doubt things will ever change for you Robert as you refuse to change them.
I’m not convinced Robert is destined to always be alone. He was in a relationship. He was the one who terminated that relationship. If he did it once, he is capable of doing it again. He needs to be less demanding and less convinced that his views are the correct ones and that other workers are drones, women don’t sensibly pick the people they go on second dates with, the current etiquette of dating is wrong and he can force it to change. He needs to be upfront and truthful with the women he wants a second date from. He needs to view a second date as something that isn’t automatic after lining up what he thinks is a match through internet/telephone, that he isn’t entitled to a second date, that most first dates don’t result in second dates, but that he is going to have to change how he handles first dates (and possibly how he chooses women for first dates) if he wants a second. Pretending to be a self-employed, successful owner of his own business will quickly blow up in his face and be seen as a lie. He needs to date women who will accept and enjoy his very quirky actual personality and his unconventional lifestyle, rather than pretending to be what he is not. He once found someone who loved him for who he is. If he sets reasonable expectations and presents himself honestly, then he should be able to do that again.
I’m done. I’m just done. Now I’ve been insulted as an office worker and my words have been taken so literally that I can’t even….
I spend my day advising, coaching, communicating, learning, teaching, and making sure stuff gets done. And I get paid very nicely to do it.
I don’t disagree with that, Ron, but remember he was in his 20s and so was she. He’s not attracting women that young, and women my age are like wtf.
What @Kate said. That was what, 15+ years ago? He hasn’t had a relationship since and he’s alienated all of his friends. I think Robert needs to do some major work on himself, with the help of a therapist, if he wants any kind of meaningful relationship, both romantic and platonic.
If I remember correctly, Robert’s beef with friends is that their lives were changing (marriage, kids, jobs, etc.) and instead of growing and adapting with those friendships, they ceased to exist. This inability to adapt is holding him back and I guarantee that’s a turn off.
I guess for me the biggest takeway is: If a football team ran the same unsuccessful play from 15 years ago over and over the coach would be fired before they could even blink. If something doesn’t work it’s madness to keep doing it hoping the result will change. And forgive me for stretching a metaphor but: the game has moved on, Robert. You have to move with it or you’ll spend forever on the bench.
Hell to toot my own horn on the question of ‘in person’ chemistry I just got a new job that plenty of people would say I wasn’t entirely qualified for but damn do I interview well. The interview wasn’t even in person but it was on zoom and just being able to see someone to speak to them makes such a big difference. You can see body language, facial expressions and all sorts of things that can help shape your thoughts and responses naturally to the conversation. You just won’t get that on a phone call and I think most people realise that now. Plus most people hate phone calls these days anyway, they want text or in person or nothing.
Right! My current and last jobs, I was absolutely not fully qualified for – I got hired on my personality (believe it or not, hahaha).
