I didn’t realize how long it’s been since I wrote back last. My father was in the hospital for several weeks, and I guess I lost track of time. I did read your comments, though.

Kate:

And dismissing someone because she’s very into a sport?

I don’t do that anymore. It’s what I *used* to do. You told me the rowing story, and it is one of the things I remembered. I just haven’t come across that situation yet recently, but will not be quick to write her off like i once was.

KTFran:

Lastly, if every woman is either mutually agreeing there is no chemistry or not giving you a second date, then the common variable is you.

That’s my whole point. Multiple women are picking up on the same thing. I am doing something wrong on these dates or in these phone calls. I’ve known that on my own. I have enough to talk about in therapy, now on top of it she has to *guess* why the pattern is repeating. I know she’s an expert, but only the date knows for sure.

Peggy:

So, if there is not much in the compatibitilty and interaction on the date, to possibly/maybe create a spark, most people move on.

Maybe it was your word choice, and you perhaps didn’t intend to convey this idea, but it sounds from that, that it is *her* who is doing the interviewing, not me. I don’t always feel a spark on a second date, but I’m not going to instantly move on just because it didn’t happen on the first date.

But dating is not looking for a “friend”.

I’m not *looking* for a “friend”, either. But if I make one, then how is that a bad thing? (rhetorical to make a point). I see that as nothing other than good.

Ron:

You don’t mention it in the last two posts (have you given up on that requirement), but in your first series of posts to this forum, you required a woman 15 years younger than yourself, so that you could have a child together.

I never did “require” that she be 10-15 years younger. I was concentrating my search there, as you know for the purpose of having the ability to bear children, but I was never against dating a mid 40s woman who was still healthy enough to have a child. I still feel that way, but I’ve also come to the realization that I may be in a situation of my two choices being no kid with no life partner, or no kid with a great life partner. Wanting kids is actually blank on my profile, just because I may have to accept never having a child. But, then again, the whole profile is invisible because of coronavirus. I got my second shot, but the Delta variant seems to want to restart the pandemic all over again. I’ll just wait.

CurlyQue:

I think you are putting WAY too much emotional investment into these first dates.

…because they are women, human beings, with feelings, not used cars to be driven around the block only to be put back 10 minutes later, or an appliance to be looked at and put back up on the shelf. I will not treat another human being like that. Period.

I’m not going to go on the first date to begin with unless that PERSON is worth a few more dates to begin with, and I am not going to have a phone conversation unless I’m willing to go on the first date. If I’m going to find out if something is off, I’m going to do it early on.

I know you are going to say that you can’t always tell that early on, and that can be the truth, I do agree. I did encounter one weirdo (that I think I brought up on here) that it took a phone call to figure out, but beyond that if I move forward I do not stop unless the relationship has run its course.

Lower your expectations of a second date and just see how the first one goes.

I see what you are saying, and the spirit is great advice, actually. My dilemma is, it’s exactly what is getting me fatigued with the process. I cannot deal with the churning anymore. I’d rather have a steady, constant friend than single dates with multiple women. I’m not sure about what to do about the dilemma.

Peggy:

I likely went on at least 40 meet -ups/coffees. Of those, I had second dates with about 6 of them. I dated one for about 3 months, another for 5.

Wow! That sounds exhausting! Even getting to date someone for a few months sounds okay, at least there’s even a small bit of constancy. Obviously, you weren’t the life partners for each other, but you obviously enjoyed each other to be able to date for a while.

Copa:

I really think Robert needs to first acknowledge there’s a good deal of inner work to be done

I’ve known that from day 1, which is why hearing a negative is preferable to me than ghosting or a generic excuse.

Just a few final thoughts on the auto repair thing. This is not an auto repair forum, so I don’t want to focus on that, but there are a few mistaken impressions of me that I want to correct.

Years ago, probably closer to a decade ago (if not more), I added up my auto repair expenses for an entire year (I did that using THREE separate years), and budget 1/52 of that amount every week, though in reality I contribute more like 1/35 or so, as I have the income to contribute more, as a pad. The problem is, one single repair can be more than the sum of what i have contributed so far. The shop feels entitled to my rent money, so I have to hand it over immediately to get my car back. Now I have to put all of my next paycheck or whatever on only my rent and bills and nothing else whatsoever. Then, the bills have been paid, but now I missed 2, 3, or 4 weeks of contributions to the auto repair account. So, I cannot do anything else other than the car repair account. Now, the next month’s bills become due. I have to take from the auto repair account to pay rent, etc. I never can get back to a regular budget, because the shop keeps demanding money right then and there, and refuses to give me any notice. And the cycle repeats, wash rinse repeat.

Even when I did my food delivery (which I will get back to after the pandemic is over), rental cars were almost as much as my rent. Yes, that was a big expense, and was not constant, but I can deal with that. First, they do give me some general broad idea — I do understand they cannot give me a price to the penny. I don’t need to be that precise to begin with. The first month might be $750, maybe the next month is $800, maybe the next one is close to $900. I can deal with all of that. But, I also know that it won’t be $5,000, either. And, they will not take it, under any circumstances whatsoever, until that month is up. The mechanics, on the other hand, give me no notice of either how much or when!!! The rental car agencies want to make money, too, but they are not out of control like the repair shops.

No other industry has treated me like that. Literally none.

Even when I had my landscaping business, lawn mowers broke down, but I never had that problem. I didn’t always have it right then and there. But they did not ransom my lawn mowers. If I didn’t have it all right then and there, I gave them what I had, and brought them the rest when I came back. Even a few instances it took me a while to get them fully paid, such as multiple repairs close together. They still did not ransom my lawn mowers. At times, when I got caught back up, I paid ahead, actually, as a way of maki9ng up for being behind.

I only bring that up to illustrate that the mower people are in a nearly identical trade line, but it never once occurred to them to ransom my equipment like the car shops are doing. Appliance repair people have never done this to me. Computer repair people have never done this to me. No one!!

I do not need months or weeks to adjust. It could be as simple as giving what i have today (which may be most of the bill to begin with) and squaring up on my next paycheck. No big deal.

BTW, keep in mind, the shops are on terms of net 15 or net 30 usually, and technicians do not get paid until at least the following week, to boot. I would not be putting the shop in any bind whatsoever. They delay payment themselves yet will not give the same courtesy to the customer.

Inability to budget or plan for routine expenses;

Not true, as I explained in the first paragraph of this sub-topic

Lack of respect for the skill, time and labor of others who would dare demand that they be paid fairly for the service you needed and asked them to provide;

Also not true. They will not tell me up front a general amount and idea of when, and expect me to adjust sometimes $2,000 in ten seconds. NO OTHER INDUSTRY DOES THAT. I am not refusing to pay a fair rate.

Entitlement in that you believe that the mechanic owes you their skill, time and labor;

Never once have I asked a shop to do a repair for free. Ever!!!!! They are in the business of repairing cars, and that is the nature of the business I am bringing them.

I hope you are able to find a therapist that offers a variety of payment options,

An $80 therapy session does not need to go on a payment plan, especially when they have told me up front how much it is and when. There will be no fee due under any circumstances until X time. And, it’s not a backbreaking amount of money to begin with. I would never consider them to put on a payment plan.

You actually made my point in a way, believe it or not. The therapist is willing to put a known amount and time on a payment plan, but the auto shop is not willing to do this when they WON’T tell me how much and when. That’s backwards.

Like I said, I don’t want to talk about car repairs on this forum anymore, but just wanted to correct a few things, that I passed over in earlier discussions, because I didn’t want to talk about car repairs on a dating forum. I need to find a car repair forum to discuss this there.