Interested in a gorgeous and highly popular guy at my college
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I feel that my primary goal at the moment is to “get physical” with him, and then I will see if anything else happens after that.
I do however want to approach him in a way that doesn’t come off as too “loose”, so that is why I was thinking of flirting with him in a way that was sensual and alluring but would still look decent to other people around us as well.
I guess maybe some cute and subtly alluring clothes, flirty and sensual voice tone, and things like that, haha.I am definitely gonna try to hit on him tomorrow, either way, if I see him.
You can’t flirt in a classroom of others with the guy who has a crowd of girls around him and not appear like one of the adoring crowd. We’re just trying to prepare you for the distinct possibility that there may not be anything more, because as you’ve said, he sees a lot of different women and for never too long.
But if you’re fine with that, that’s cool.
“I feel that my primary goal at the moment is to “get physical” with him, and then I will see if anything else happens after that.”
If that’s what you want, it’s likely achievable, as his goal seems to be to have sex with as many women as possible at least this collegiate year. Since we’re well into second semester, he’s likely in the 50-100 range by now, assuming he actually cares about graduating. Your turn will come, if you make the effort. You may have to wait a while; he seems to have a backlog of applicants. I doubt he is interested in timid. I also doubt there is any chance than anything more comes of this beyond one opportunity to get physical with him.
I don’t think that he has sex with other girls super-often, since I see him study a lot during our classes and stay focused on the subjects and all of that, but I would guess that he may have sex with maybe 1-2 girls per week on average.
I remember that I have seen him turn down girls on several occasions, and I guess this was either because he was busy studying, or because he had planned to meet someone else those times.I will see how it goes when I approach him tomorrow;
it’s quite exciting, to be honest.So two thoughts –
If it were me and I was truly just interested in sex I’d still want to get a sense of the person. Casual sex is great but it is something you do with another person, and you want to respect that person and like them as a human being for it to be enjoyable.
At least for me – the times in my youth where I just offered it up to someone I didn’t know felt very awkward and not enjoyable. I’m not ashamed or traumatized, and it made for some good stories, but not a very satisfactory experience. Every. I have to have a friendly rapport and mutual respect with someone – even for casual sex.
And I know you’re saying you’d be fine if it was just physical, but it sounds like ideally you want more. I think you’re setting yourself up for disappointment. He’s a fantasy in your head, reality will not match expectations and in all likelihood it’s not going to play out with him wanting more for you.
But some of these lessons we must learn through experience. I know I did. So have at it.
Also – don’t be so judgey of these other women you consider “loose”. They are just after the same thing you – allegedly- are, and there’s nothing shameful about owning your sexuality and being clear in what you want.
If you *truly* just want to have sex with this guy you should do the same. Clearly it works and again, there’s nothing wrong with it.
But let’s be honest, you want more from him (well at least from the fantasy version of him you’ve built in your head), which is why you don’t want to do what these other women are doing (and successfully, it sounds).
It is kind of wild that you think he has sex with 1-2 different women a week but is a very studious, responsible, upstanding guy… while the women trying to have sex with him are “loose.”
I can see that you’re not in the US or North America, which most of us are, and so I can imagine young women may think about sex differently where you are. I give you the benefit of the doubt that you can appreciate something purely physical. But it’s not cool to call the other women loose for doing what you yourself would like to do. Unless you’re saying, hey, we’re all loose, I just don’t want to look like I am? I don’t know, that’s a lot to unpack, especially when the guy in question looks pretty damn loose.
1-2 women a week – that’s about 75 people a year – are you sure you want to hit that? Condoms are great but they don’t protect from everything.
And just because he has sex with 75 people a year doesn’t mean that he’s good at it. He doesn’t have to be because he knows that someone else is waiting around the bend. He may be a 2 minute man. I seriously think you should talk to the other girls to see if this is worth your time.
How could the LW possibly know how many women a week he actually sleeps with? She sees him flirting. How does she know he’s taking them home and having sex with him? Maybe there’s a couple women he has a FWB relationship with. Who really knows? And even if he did sleep with a couple of women a week, who cares? If women are throwing themselves at him, why shouldn’t he?
This thread is weird. If a man wrote in here saying he wanted to sleep with this beautiful woman who seems to get around (but hey, she’s beautiful!!), we would totally come down hard on him. Yet somehow, this dude is the bad guy?
Anyway, it is offputting that the LW thinks poorly of these women who flirt with him when in fact, she wants the exact same thing. Also, she clearly wants something more and is trying to pretend otherwise so she can get hers, which fine, but it only ends up in her being sad.
Again, I’m not a prude. I’m all for having hot sex with a hot dude. I’m cool with one night stands. I got around. The difference is, in all but one situation, I knew what I was doing and what I expected after. That one situation where I didn’t, I ended up going to therapy over it. But as ele4phant and I said, this is something that you’ll probably only learn from experience.
Totally agree @ktfran. If there were anyone in this equation that was a slut – it would be the guy. But for all we know he’s taking these women home and giving them a foot massage or playing parcheesi. No judgement.
It’s the lack of self-awareness that makes me shake my damn head – that all of these other girls are flirty idiots but I’m not because of reasons. I don’t give a crap if you sleep with 1 or 100 people – but at least don’t be a hypocrite about it.
