Interested in a gorgeous and highly popular guy at my college
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I think that’s what is so interesting, that she thinks she’s different from those other girls, or that they are loose but he’s not, he’s just can’t help all the attention and vagina that gets thrown his way.
KatieKat, you have no idea how often this guy has sex or what he does in his free time because you seem to only see him at school. So you really have no idea.
I agree that there is something off and little yuck about this. It’s not the sex thing, it’s that you don’t want to be used by the guy who uses lots of women, ergo don’t go there? You say you want to see if there’s more, but there’s not, there’s the exit because the next girl is walking over.
Yeah I cannot help but assess how I would be responding if this was a shy young guy lusting after a hot girl in his class, deriding and feeling morally superior to all the more confident guys (what do they call them – alphas? Betas? Whatever) and musing over different “strategies” to get her.
We would not be kind.
The truth is – in this situation and in a classic nice guy situation – there is no trick. That person you are lusting after is a full person, treat them like that, start a conversation and see if there’s a rapport and mutual interest (even if you are after something purely casual! Still a person you want to be intimate with, treat them with respect and consideration). And be honest about your intentions, with them and more importantly yourself.
I don’t think this is an exact parallel to that situation. The guy in question seems to be having fun getting physical with different girls and not settling down with anyone. The LW is cool with that. I think it’s ok for this to just be about having a good time physically and not start out with the objective of getting to know him. Sometimes it can be like, this person is hot, I want to get with them, and I don’t really care who they are.
If the tables were turned and it was a guy who wanted to hook up with a chick who seemed to enjoy having fun with different guys, I don’t think I’d necessarily be urging him to get to know her.
I guess I disagree.
I had plenty of casual fun times, but it wasn’t fun if I didn’t at least know them well enough to know they were cool enough people. And I definitely got treated like trash but some guys which felt like shit. I didn’t want a relationship with these guys, but be decent to me after we have sex, I promise I won’t fall in love with me if you continue to be friendly and respectful to me afterwards.
I’m not saying she has to get to know him on a deep deep level, but talk enough with him to know if there’s even chemistry, and remember even if there’s is a superficial relationship, you know he is a whole person beyond the fun she uses him for.
And, to be honest I’m getting strong strong vibes she wants more from him (or she thinks she does but like I said, she doesn’t actually know him), and she thinks she can play the cool girl to get an in.
That’s how you and I are wired, I have to like the person too, but not everyone is that way. And she’s been pretty consistent in her responses that she’d like to get physical and is then open to more.
I guess I am just having a different interpretation of her posts – I see someone saying they want more but would settle for less, and I don’t know if I believe her given how fixated on him she is and how she wants to differentiate herself from all those other girls.
And I think she has a fantasy of what she thinks he’s like – without knowing him at all she thinks he’s decent and studious, but I don’t think she’s every talked to him?
Anywhoo – this is her life, so have at it, and like I said, some things we can only learn through direct experience.
I don’t think it hurts to remind even people that are wired to enjoy sex without any sort of connection that they are still having sex with a full person, there is more than being an aide to their personal pleasure.
He wasn’t in school today, so I will see if I make any attempts next week instead;
I will try it when I see him.Either way, I think I might have caused some misunderstandings here;
I didn’t mean that the other girls act loose, I just meant that I was careful to not exaggerate my planned approach and end up acting that way myself.
I haven’t seen the other girls act particularly loose towards him, other than the occasional instance when someone has told him that he is hot and things like that, but other than that, they seem to just be very attracted to him.
I also wouldn’t say that they dress particularly loose either – I remember them wearing fairly standard everyday clothes.Then as for his number of dates per week – that was just a guess.
I was thinking that it seemed likely that he had dates with girls during the weekends, since most students take a break from studies those days, and then there might also be some occasions when he might meet some girls during some long break or something like that.
But of course, I shouldn’t think about this stuff too much, so I will stop doing that.So – not to harp on you, but even if you don’t think these particular other women vying after him our “loose”, you clearly have a judgement about certain behaviors and dress. Perhaps this is an issue of translation – I’m not sure if English is your native language, or different cultural norms around how women are supposed to act.
But in the abstract, there’s nothing wrong with being you authentic self and dressing a certain way or acting a certain way or totally owning your sexuality and being upfront about what it is you want.
If you truly are primarily interested in getting busy with him – than maybe you should act “lose” and just put it on the table. Why wouldn’t you, if that’s really all you’re after?
It’s that some of your comments your sound morally superior to them. I’m not going to go back and read through. You think you’d be different to him. Maybe. I agree that it’s sounds like you do want more because you keep saying physical and see what else, which begs the question…
Have you ever spoken this guy? If not, start there. Ask him if he has an extra pen.
Have you asked guys out? Dated? Flirted?
Just curious, not shaming.
Like didn’t you say you’ve seen him make out with different girls, they’ve asked him in groups for dates and hang all over him? That’s what works and what he likes. That would get the sex presuming you are also young and attractive.
Yep annoymouse.
If sex is really what OP wants, do what you’ve seen work for other women.
If you actually want more – well just treat him like a person and get to know him, and see if actually once you know him you still like him, much less if he likes you back.
Trying to strategize and play the “cool but different girl” is just as manipulative and shitty as the “nice guys” that try to get into a relationship with the hot girl they are fantasizing about.
Those are the options – if its just sex you want, be upfront about it. Let him know clearly your interest and get in-line, if he’s interested he’ll get around to you.
If you want to date him – well remind yourself you don’t actually *know* him so you don’t actually know if you want to date him. So get to know him first.
