This is just so horrifying. I’ve been sitting here for almost 10 minutes trying to think of what to say that might get through to you and I’m honestly at a loss. The level of manipulation, control, and gaslighting (making you think it’s your fault because you’re introverted) is just……it’s a lot. Does he tell you every time he goes somewhere, who he’s with, and what he’s doing? Why not?

You say that you know you’re not responsible for his insecurities but then you turn around and blame yourself and take responsibility for his actions “the only issue is that I can’t do it as quickly as he expected me to, I need time.”

You are not the problem.
You did not do anything wrong.

Do some online research about coercive control.

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a26870828/controlling-boyfriend-signs/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&utm_campaign=arb_ga_whm_md_pmx_hybd_mix_us_20196160291&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpb6dvu_9gwMVJ3N_AB0CIg59EAAYASAAEgKCEvD_BwE

This is really bad. This relationship is unhealthy. You two don’t sound like you have the real connection and chemistry needed if you were to try to make it work for real. And an all long-distance relationship that lasts years, isn’t real. You’ll realize that when you get into a healthy loving relationship with someone local. And finally, his behavior is a huge red flag, not normal, not okay. You should break up with him.

If in his philosophy a long-distance relationship partner is supposed to declare every trip out of the house and the persons were with or talked to during that trip, then that should apply equally to both partners. If it applies to only one of you, then logically it should be him, because guys cheat more frequently than women do. His one-sided approach is pure misogyny. I’m guessing he’s laughing at you. You need to MOA and get a partner you can see frequently in real life. If you’re determined to stay with this ‘relationship, which is a HUGE mistake, then I think you should tell him that you made a big mistake and should never have promised to participate in this untrusting one-sided ‘accountability’. Give him a week to agree to give up this week, and if he refuses then you must MOA, having given him a second chance to correct at least some of his ways.

Wanting to be a part of your everyday life when you’re in a long distance relationship sounds thoughtful and caring. Forcing you to account for your every movement, then accusing you of lying and threatening to not care about you anymore because you forgot to mention you went out with your mom does not fall into this category.

You say you talk all the time about living together and marriage, but how realistic is that really? From the outside this looks like someone who is using the fact that you don’t have a lot of connections and social support against you, because if you lose him you’ll lose a large source of connection in your life and he therefore knows you’ll put up with controlling bullshit. Getting jealous and accusing you of lying for something as simple as visiting a parent discourages you from going out with friends or other people. You can see that right? All the bullshit talk about getting married keeps you on the hook and putting up with this crap.

Kate is correct that it’s very, very likely he’s got other women, or a committed relationship, in his hometown. Even if this relationship was perfect in every way, how many more months or years should you invest in someone you’ll never, ever live with or even live close to? You need to distance yourself and invest that time into making more in-person connections in your local area

How old are you?

Have you been to his house?

All these people giving solid advice, but you believe starting fresh isn’t the answer. Apart from all the other helpful points, I would say, have you spoken to anyone you ARE close to about your boyfriend’s issues?

Other than that, I think if your boyfriend wants to know all the details of who/where/what, and you want to participate in this, there is so much technology that could take the stress out of it for you. After all, a phone with tracking software can be left at home and your burner phone go with you. What about an ankle tracker such as prisoners use? Data plans are so much cheaper these days. He can set up a bodycam that you mount on your wrist facing you (check your employer is okay with that) and old smartphones in every room in your house can transmit updates to him anytime of day or night. That way, you don’t have to worry that you haven’t told him anything by mistake. [disclaimer: when you try to meet the demands in a coercive control situation, the person in charge moves the goalposts, so you will need to be ready for your every move and word to be subject to the continuing scrutiny, control and abuse you are seeking to submit yourself fully to now.]