“When I talk about being an introvert, I mean that I haven’t been able to develop good communication and social skills.”

What you are describing seems to be social anxiety, awkwardness, or discomfort, not introversion. Being an introvert has nothing to do with social skills or how garrulous you are. Introverts are not inherently bad communicators or socially awkward; they find social situations more draining and recharge alone. Extroverts are recharged through socialization and are not inherently outgoing or charming.

Are you staying with this man who lives far away because maybe you believe that your lack of communication and social skills make you unloveable or undateable to local men?

In any case, communication and social skills are just that — skills! You can practice them. I used to be very shy and awkward. I’m not anymore. You can join MeetUp groups. Sign up for a class/learn a new hobby. I started taking pottery classes several months ago, it’s mostly women and there’s a lot of low stakes chatter while we throw. Groups like Toastmasters are designed to help people build confidence through public speaking. I’ll bet if you build up your confidence, losing this guy won’t seem like such a loss.

I have to echo, how feasible is being together, marriage and a life if he is 29 and living with roommates in another country 8 hours away? Was he always in another country? Have you ever thought the reason you both are choosing someone you can’t actually be with is because you unconsciously want to keep yourself from real vulnerability and love? He can’t get to know you from his distance.

I understand you’re probably like, WTF why do they need to know? Incomplete and inaccurate info affects the advice.

He’s met your friends and family? Your parents and roommates?

You should take these “social issues” to your GP. He or she can refer you to a therapist or a psychiatrist. A simple anti anxiety medication or coping skills may help you immensely.

I think you need to let this guy go and date people local to you that you can actually develop a close relationship with. 8 hours away in another country seems like a purposeful choice not to get close to anyone.

His behavior strongly suggests that HE is not trustworthy. I, too, wondered if you had seen his living situation on video, seen / met his roommates. Even if that’s all true, I think you’re naive to think he couldn’t be entertaining other women. Multiple-male roommate situations are conducive to that, I know because I’ve heard wild stories about my husband’s college and post college living situation. And even if you’ve met his family.., I mean, again, it’s a red flag if you haven’t, but even if you have, it doesn’t matter. A lot of us have met, gone on vacation with, etc., the families of men who cheated on us. Finally, great point about why you would choose a boyfriend who lives 6 time zones away… what’s that, the US? Asia? … in a country you can’t visit. Right? You chose that for a reason, consciously or subconsciously. It makes a lot of sense to see if you can work with a therapist or coach on your social issues, whether that’s anxiety or something else.

We’re not trying to be jerks here, but do want you to see that this isn’t a good situation for you.

Okay, bottom line is you cannot MAKE someone trust you. You’ve done nothing to earn his mistrust- but you still have to answer to his fears and demands. He doesn’t trust you, and he is not going to change. I hope this thread has given you a different POV about these troubling aspects about your relationship. You say you want a marriage and a family, but you’ve chosen someone in a different time zone who doesn’t trust you. Why?

His need to know where you are isn’t out of wondering what your day is like and wanting to connect, he got angry with you when you didn’t immediately tell him what you were doing. What do your two friends say about him? Your mother?

Good luck.

This is one walking RED FLAG. Grilling people and demanding details about everything a person does is not healthy and not how someone shows they care. Also… making mouth noises about some hypothetical future together isn’t a reason to not want to lose a relationship. All those plans are just that … mouth noises. They mean nothing.

I want you to imagine having someone in your life who you see frequently and enjoys doing the same activities together but who is thrilled when you go out with your friends and the only question they ask is “did you have a nice time?”

This guy has managed to manipulate you into a “promise” you never should have been asked to give much less given. If you won’t just break up with him, please please simply tell him that it isn’t his business how you spend your time and who with and just stop catering to this nonsense.

Good for you for taking a step back. Also of COURSE he got extra sweet when you called him on something. It is called “love bombing.” Abusers and narcissists do this to catch their prey. No one just jumps into a controlling abusive relationship with someone. Instead abusers lure you in with fake futures (aka all the talk about a future where they feed you lines about exactly what you want) and love bombing. Then when hooked they start becoming more and more controlling and also start chipping away at your self esteem (no one will love you like I do, if you were not so stupid / ditsy / forgetful / dumb you would understand X or remember to do Y). They need you hooked on them and doubting yourself. When they then do something bad they follow it back up with love bombing. You always keep dreaming of the relationship being what it WAS or him being the person you know he is. What you don’t understand is the original relationship and version of him was a lie from the start.

Be very careful. There are literally billions of guys on this earth. You are in your 20s. Dating and relationships should be FUN not work. If it takes any work at the beginning, just move along.