Yup, Fyodor. Apparently fat people are absolutely crazy for divorcing thinner, more physically attractive people for any reason. And only thin people can dump fat people anyway (Oracle’s position).

Never mind if that fatty feels rejected day after day, and has a marriage without sex or basic respect (a partner who doesn’t lie to him about something that’s important to him). He doesn’t deserve to even have a partner in the first place. How dare he want to walk away, right?

“His Dr. labeled him severely obese, and diagnosed him as at risk for diabetes at the age of 26”

Yes, and you decided loved him enough to want to marry him. Most people gain weight as they age.

“I don’t see how that is fair to his family with the potential of losing his life at an early age and leaving my son and I behind just because he wanted the world to love and accept his unhealthy lifestyle.”

He didn’t ask the world to love and accept his unhealthy lifestyle; he reasonably expected his wife to love and accept him, even if he’s obese.

“On top of this, he only prefers thin/skinny women, and is not attracted to overweight women at all, so yes it’s a hypocritical and unfair double standard.”

A lot of men have those. But you don’t know if your now-husband would actually feel that way if you gained weight. The fact that he physically appreciates your figure now doesn’t necessarily mean he would have stopped wanting intimacy with you if you had put on 30 or 40lbs.

“But speaking of misdirection, he mislead me in terms of supporting my career choice. But I came to find out later that he just though it was a phase I was going through, and was secretly wishing I wouldn’t pursue that. Talk about a heartbreaker for me.”

Okay but was he unsupportive? How did you find out he didn’t/does not like your career?

“But I didn’t lash out and tell him he lied to me, and tell him I was gonna find someone else who accepted me and loved my career choice. Because you don’t just bail on a marriage like that.”
Okay but did either of you have communication tools to talk about each of your respective feelings and listen to each other’s experience?

“It’s a give and take, and if you love someone, you’ll do anything for them. And that includes changing the negative things about yourself, and constantly striving to be the best version of yourself, especially if its within your power to change.”

Yes, its give and take. I’m no relationship guru, but I don’t think a healthy relationship is doing anything for your partner. I think people should feel safe having limits. As far as the rest of what you wrote goes, your husband has never been a thin man and I assume you married him because you loved him and not because you thought he would physically remain twenty-five. He gained a lot of weight very quickly. He was able to lose that weight quickly. It isn’t surprising he would regain some of that weight.

Honestly, most American adults struggle with their weight at some point, especially as they hit middle age and their metabolism slows down. We also spend a lot of time on screens, we spend relativity little time preparing meals, and we tend to drive cars everywhere. He’s hardly alone. Many people with poverty have increased risk of obesity, and so do people with disabilities, or people on certain medications, or with certain genetic factors. Sexual abuse can play a role. Fat cells are even affected by the amount of sugar consumed early in life. Bone structure, epi-genetics, genetics, hormones all play a role in it. There are so many kinds of health problems. Do you really think all the overweight people in U.S. are sexless or their partners don’t enjoy their bodies? Bald, stretch-marked, freckled, varicose-veined people all have partners who actually love them.

Maybe that’s not what this is about for you.
“Here’s another fun fact: his mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer exactly 5 days after we got married. So what did we do? We moved in with her to help take care of her.”

You sound resentful. Maybe the reason you think your husband must suck it up is because that’s what you’ve told yourself to do when you were unhappy about something? Maybe your career was impacted by accommodating your husband. Or other parts of your life don’t look the way you hoped they would look? Maybe you thought you had to stay in a life situation that was uncomfortable for you to achieve your goals or fulfill your potential? Maybe neither you nor your husband ever developed the tools to be able to communicate with each other up until this point…
Look at your title: My obese husband wants a divorce b/c I don’t “love” his body.

That title makes it sound like you think your obese husband doesn’t appreciate you and is kidding himself about what he deserves. Maybe you’re just hurt because you weren’t expecting him to ask for a divorce so you’re lashing out on this thread. What kind of advice are you looking for, exactly? Validation that his fat body doesn’t deserve your love? Honestly, how did you think commenters would react to this title?

I know I’m nitpicking. Fyodor and Cleo’s posts made me feel both sad and mad.

It is not the weight. (I am not thin either if not overweight) .
It is his attitude. She must be attracted to him or else he wants a divorce?
What about all the women who write in about their husbands low libido ? Are you advising them that either husbands must perform or they should leave ?

BGM, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

With all seriousness, I wish I knew when Planet Earth lost the ability of reason, but I also did not think this thread would still be active 6 pages later.

That sentence does not make any sense.

BGM,
I want your life. 🙂