Dear Wendy
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Go to dental school! If your husband leaves you over it, then you know he’s the kind of guy who would not support you in a marriage. There will be other people in your culture who are open-minded. And maybe you could practice being open-minded yourself and consider the potential of finding a better match outside your culture.
This is a letter that I would ordinarily send a quick private response to, but I thought you were so in need of hearing multiple people tell you “HELL NO” that I posted your letter in the forums.
You are not “so good together”! You’re actually really bad together. This is not what a functional, happy relationship between two healthy people looks like. This is not a relationship worth “fighting” for. It is a relationship you need to walk away from. You’re 21. This is not the love of your life. Thank god.
W o w. Even if the 19-year-old were a serial killer, I can’t imagine any loving parent feeling relieved or like it was really “good riddance” to be cut off from said child’s life. That you have enabled, encouraged, and delighted in this recent estrangement speaks volumes of your character and your emotional maturity and well-being. You are a sad, miserable, sock person, and your boyfriend sounds equally appalling. Stay together and spare anyone else the trauma of being associated with you.
Update from the LW:
“Hi Wendy-I wrote last year: “Dealing with Sex issues related to Health Problems” London #691060 June 19/2017
So,he had a bad shoulder that finally got “fixed”/better. Then, almost right after that was better-,he slipped on some ice and broke his ribs- 4 months of recovery there. (we couldn’t even hug)
So,after being patient through all that, I was looking forward to the fooling around. However,he was avoiding it again and I talked to him about.it. Told him I had been understanding and patient for months,that I understood it was disappointing to him that he could not perform as he would like etc.-but I could not go on being n a sexless relationship,as I loved him very much but was becoming sad and resentful. It was becoming a “deal breaker”. I suggested we j try”playtime” with out pressuring ourselves for any particular outcome and just enjoy each other.
Well,he listened and reacted-was not wanting to have this issue drive us apart. So,we now have good sex life of sorts ,I am happy, he is enjoying himself and all is well. Been together over a year,great companions in every way and plans to move in together soon.! ( I would not move in without this issue being solved)
Thanks to you and your readers for the advice and feedback-I am glad I stayed the course,am excited that things continue to improve in
every way.
London”
Please listen to us and not the single boys at work: don’t email the guy. It makes you look desperate and stalker-ish, neither of which is sexy. Maybe in some rom-com, the guy would see your email, realize what a catch you are, and how he narrowly missed out on the chance to get to know you because he stopped checking his dating site messages and he insta messages and luckily you are a feisty woman with initiative and now you’ll ride off into the sunset together, but it’s not going to work that way. You’re going to feel more defeated and rejected and eventually foolish that you tried so hard. Sometimes the path of least resistance is the best, especially with dating. You already showed initiative and interest. Let fate and the guy do some work now if it’s meant to be.
TheLadyE – I would not email him. It’s a little to stalker-ish seeming that you went through four websites/platforms to track him down (hinge, insta, google, and his website); I know all of this takes like 3 minutes, but still – I’m just telling you how it may look to this guy. If it’s meant to be, he’ll check his instagram DMs and find you there.
When you say “sexy women thing” and “sexy flirty girls,” I’m assuming you mean the kinds of profiles we sometimes see on social media that features lots of pictures of scantily-clad women, right? And I have to say, I know a lot of good men — old friends of mine, friends of my husband’s, dads of my kids’ friends — and none of them have a friends list full of these kinds of profiles. I would shocked and alarmed if any of them had ONE of these kinds of contacts on their friends’ list.
You are making poor choices in men, and their friends’ list can be an easy litmus test for you. If they have random scantily clad sexy flirty women on their friends’ lists, that’s red flag. If they continue adding these women and you know they don’t know them in real life, you need to run, honey. Normal, decent men interested in healthy, longterm relationships don’t behave this way.
That a guy doesn’t cheat on your and he “supports you” (I assume you mean financially? Providing a place to live?) are not good enough reasons to be and stay with someone. You need to cultivate some independent and support yourself and quit investing your time and energy into losers. A friends list full of “sexy women things,” as you call these profiles is a super easy way to tell whether a guy is a loser or not. MOA.
Bacc is no longer welcome to comment on this site, either in the forums or in the comment section. Women have to put up with creepy comments like his enough in other places on the internet and offline; he does not need an additional platform, that is supposed to be comfortable most of all for women, to spout his creepy, predatory, anti-women rhetoric. Good-bye, Bacc.
Well, this sure took a turn.
Anonymousse, this guy is a twerp. Shame it off.
Hans, go away and get counseling.
Boy, can’t understand why this girl and apparently every girl before her lost interest so quickly and gave very neutral reasons for not moving forward with you. You’re legit scary.
And now the anger, the name-calling, and the threats (“Go F yourselves with a catcus”? You’re a twerp). Yep, just like I remember from boys in college who didn’t like what they heard. And color me shocked that a forum full of men didn’t tell you that the way you are behaving is sexist. And, please: “Dear Wendy, I. DO. NOT. FEEL. ENTITLED. for anything. I feel like i need to know these things in order to deal with the situation, move on, and learn to get to know myself and my emotions.” That’s epitome of entitlement!! That you want something that isn’t being offered to you and so you continue to press for it it, calling it a NEED.” No, you don’t need it. You want it. And you keep pressing for it even though this girl has been pretty clear that she’s over you. MOA. MOVE ON ALREADY. Leave this girl alone.
Yeah, really not cool.
