bloodymediocrity
Forum Replies Created
-
Posts
-
Who are you and what have you done with BitterGayMark?
Just kidding. It’s nice to hear the positivity.
A slice of that desert sounds great as we drudge through the endless cold gray that is a Minnesota November. I was able to visit Phoenix last December in the Before-Times and it made all the difference in the world.
Thanks Helen. My mom is healing up nicely – way better than I expected to be honest. That sucks that your dad has been lost to Fox brainwashing. One of the biggest takeaways through all of this is that I never really fully understood how powerful the far-right propaganda channels really are. It’s absolutely devastating. I can’t imagine how much that hurts for you.
I get where your mom is coming from, wanting to see the kids. My mom adores my daughter. They used to spend a ton of time together and it breaks my heart that they don’t get to do that anymore. I still bring her by for quick, physically distant visits but I know it’s just not the same for either of them.
Impotent Rage is the perfect description of the last 9 months. Nothing to do but talk about our feelings with strangers on the internet.
@Helen – that sucks. My dad has pretty serious COPD and emphesyma, in addition to being just plain old, so he absolutely CANNOT get it. I’m so very grateful my parents are taking our seriously. My mom broke her foot and needs help, so I can’t be as socially distant as I want. But we ain’t hanging out. Thanksgiving is basically cancelled for us this year.
It sucks a lot, but I’m thankful for them. I can’t imagine how hard it would be to be in your shoes.
Maybe it’s just because we’re entering the “record breaking number of cases every day” and “sorry our hospitals are full” stage of the pandemic, especially here in the midwest, but this shit is really getting to me today. I’m never going to get to hug my parents again, am I?
I’m experiencing so much rage when I see mask deniers or herd immunity proponents. I have things to do but I can’t concentrate on any of them because I’m just…so…mad…
My state (MN) has been pretty good about precautions, but we’re literally surrounded by states that have done jack shit. Plus every time Tr*mp visits cases go up from his stupid rallies.
Welcome back, AON! Glad to hear you’re on the rising side of things. That sounds like a very difficult set of weeks and months.
@BGM I feel you. It’s very hard to imagine 4 or more years of this. I definitely feel a big urge to “not live on this planet anymore”. I’m fine – I’m not going to do anything. But damn, I hate being alive right now.
The only comfort I feel sometimes is I look at people who have left just absolutely devastated regions and lives and built themselves up. I think “if they can get past that, I should be able to handle this.”
My biggest mental health trap has always been “big evil thinking”. When I look at the immense cruelty that occurs on such a large level, I get stuck in a really negative thought loop that takes me to really, really dark places. I have to be careful to not indulge it too much and everything I’ve learned in therapy has really been put to the test this year.
@MissMJ I feel you so hard. I’ve gone through a lot of swings over this whole nonsense and I’m definitely feeling like it’s a low point now. My state has been ok at managing it, but it doesn’t seem like schools are ready to go back in session.
And our President is so. Fucking. Stupid. He’s still on about lowering testing to make our numbers look better. And 38% of people are still like “yeah, that’s my guy.”
If he wins again (by electoral college shenanigans or simply cheating), how are we going to survive this? Our national trajectory will be what? We just keep letting people die for another 4 years? Eventually they will stop paying for testing and treating it and now not only will it possibly be death sentence, it will also bankrupt anyone who contracts it who isn’t already a millionaire.
I’m just so out of hope for the future.
I don’t disagree. I don’t think there’s a lot of hope here, but the reality is that she’s not going to leave him. So if she’s not going to leave him, she needs to take steps to make this a less miserable situation, which means stop rehashing this same fight.
I’m offering suggestions as an alternative, but let me be clear, I do think divorce is the right choice. But that’s easy for me to say from the comfort of my apartment from (probably) hundreds of miles away.
I do think there’s many other options that are better then having this same fight over and over. Divorce is a better option. Accepting this woman’s place in her marriage and functionally having an open relationship is a better option. Having an affair of her own is a better option. Skipping town and starting a new life in the circus and never speaking to him again is a better option.
The path with the most misery is going to be trying to get her husband to budge on this issue and rehashing and reliving this same fight over and over and over.
Listen – I’m going to defy the common opinion here and say you don’t HAVE to leave him. If you’re truly happy 70% of the time and think you can get to a place where you’re happier, you can work towards that.
To get there, you have to accept the boundaries your husband is putting down. It doesn’t matter how “normal” it is or conventional. It doesn’t matter if it’s fair. Your husband is requiring a gigantic space in his life for this other woman. Maybe he’s sleeping with her, maybe not. But if you’re going to continue this marriage, then you need to accept that this is how it is going to be.
That means it’s time to stop posting here and asking “is this normal?” “Is this ok?”. It doesn’t matter at this point what is normal or common. Your marriage is now outside of “common” so what other people are doing is totally irrelevant. There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no blanket template for what a marriage looks like.
To get there, you need more hobbies. You need to keep your mind busy and more fulfilled when he’s off with her.
Even if your marriage may be sexually monogamous (and frankly, that’s a big maybe), you might want to read some literature on open marriages and polyamory to learn coping strategies to deal with your jealousy, and you should encourage your husband to do the same.
You also need to gird yourself to the possibility that they are in fact sleeping together and how you will respond if/when you find out. Is it truly a dealbreaker at this point if they are?
For the record, any normal friendship I think it’s fine to see each other two days in a row.
It really depends on what you’re doing. Are you planning on leaving him? Because if your not, you just need to get yourself to a place of acceptance with everything he does with her. If you can really, truly believe that he’s not having an affair with her, you need to just start accepting when he makes plans with her.
At this point, what he does is totally irrelevant. The only thing that should matter at this point is what you’re doing. Are you okay with the status quo? If not, what will get you to be ok with it? And if that answer is nothing, then it’s divorce lawyer time.
I think engaging him on this issue at this point is a losing battle for you. You need to look at the bigger picture and his pattern of behavior. This isn’t because he is “friends with a woman”, this is because he has been continually dismissive of your feelings through the entire relationship. Arguing with him at this point isn’t going to be effective.
There’s nothing left to litigate, or argue, or discuss. He’s drawn his line, and it’s your turn to draw yours.
