anonymousse
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They are not “really struggling.” They bought a puppy they aren’t able to care for. That isn’t your responsibility, even if you did agree to dog sit on occasion, which you are fully allowed to stop doing at any time. You don’t need to sit them down and work out a schedule, you should stop making yourself available to dog sit on any kind of schedule. They need to wake up and realize they do not have the capability to care for and give a puppy the attention it deserves and needs.
Jesus Christ. You don’t get a prize at the end for sacrificing yourself for others, you know that right? It doesn’t matter that you keep saying you have nothing else to do and they really need your help. They don’t. They need to not buy pets that come with a 16+ year commitment if they don’t have the work schedules or income that allows to hire paid help to care for it.
You, a chronic people pleaser (I know, being one as well) is suddenly realizing this arrangement sucks for you, because they are ABSOLUTELY fully taking advantage of you and think about your feelings about 1000% times less than you consider theirs.
I agree with Kate completely that this is just not how things sound when you’re in a healthy relationship where you actually communicate honest and openly.
And also, he chose to put you down when he didn’t make his own damn coffee. That is really shitty.
He gets annoyed if you don’t obey his instructions in the ways he specifically wants you to, but that he hasn’t even told you.
He’s just not a nice supportive guy to you. Your relationship should be about both of you, not just what he wants.
To be honest, he sounds like a bit of a selfish jerk that expects you to cater to his needs. I would really think about what you think would fix his temperament to not be that way. This is who he is and how he behaves. If you don’t like how he is and how he treats you, this is not the guy to marry and have babies with. Maybe you could try premarital/couples counseling?
Yes, this is how he’s going to treat you in your relationship. He’s going to be defensive, call you controlling and sleep on the couch when he doesn’t get his way. Please believe him when he’s telling you what he wants is more important to him than how you feel.
That he doesn’t like when she is “Making decisions on my own,” does not sound like she controls their relationship, it sounds like he does. For example, he told her its fine if the dog sleeps on the dogbed sometimes and then throws a tantrum that she made a incredibly small decision about that on her own. He sounds like a controlling asshole.
She didn’t grow up with pets and doesn’t want to sleep with his dog sometimes. I don’t think that makes her a monster. I think that makes them incompatible.
Yes all this great advice that you should absolutely take RIGHT AWAY are echoes of the beginning of trying to help you, remember that Robert?
Better pictures and better clothes aren’t going to change the things deep inside that come out in your words, mannerisms, etc are scaring women away from you. That’s what’s happening, Robert. Women learn to watch for signs of angry men and that’s what you’re projecting. You’re going to continue to get nowhere on your list until you take the hard step- facing your deep rooted issues.
I’m in therapy myself, Robert. It’s hard. It can be brutal some sessions but I know I’m doing the thing I need to do to be the person I want to be. I truly hope you can find a way to start seeing someone on a schedule and doing the hard but necessary work.
I agree that your violent language stood out. Women have to look for red flags for violence and abuse, Robert. Your anger and the bitter tirade about the mechanic are big red flags.
Robert, you say you aren’t treated as a human. How is a woman declining a second date or ghosting you dehumanizing you? And you also call you declining to see a woman, “stepping aside” so that she can find a more ideal partner. Why waste any more of her time, right?
Stop framing yourself as a bitter victim of mean women and just reframe it in your mind as that they are stepping aside to let you find your ideal partner.
And then let it go. If you do hear from them, great! If you don’t, it is nothing personal. You don’t seem to understand the abuse and harassment most women face on dating sites and apps. That is why they ghost you. That is what we keep bringing up, and you don’t respond to. You aren’t considering how it feels to be a single woman subject to dick pics, degrading insults, threats, etc. Can you see how ghosting you is self protection for themselves?
Ghosting is a accepted way of declining a second date is 2021. No one owes you an explanation, Robert. And I don’t think most of the women you’ve turned down probably wanted a list of reasons they weren’t acceptable to you.
Hi Robert, glad to see you updating us on your life. So sorry about your mother. That’s really hard. I hope you’re taking care of yourself.
I would encourage you to get whatever shot you can, as soon as you can. It’s such a relief. I got the J and J. Not my first choice, but I didn’t care. I would also push you to get back into therapy as soon as you can. It is the perfect time to address your concerns with a therapist now, to be ready for dating sooner.
I agree that again, the noticeable difference in you relating your dating experiences vs. others is that you believe you are entitled to be critiqued and judged by your date, and want the feedback. It shows a fundamental obliviousness to what women go through dating, and in the world at large. Men believe they are entitled to things from women. It seriously alarms me that you don’t seem to understand that other people have feelings, wants and needs themselves. They have also had bad experiences with dating, but for women “bad experiences” dating can be much worse than what you have experienced. That you seem to forget that other people also exist in their own lives is what I think some of your dates mean when they say they feel no connection. You are failing to connect with people around you, and it’s crucial to address this in therapy now. Women are people, too. They deserve respect and you should ask them for no more explanation if they tell you they feel no connection.
I absolutely agree with what everyone else has said. No is a complete sentence. You know it will all fall to you, because it will for the simple reason that you are there and they’ve decided to push you on this. Don’t let them do this to you. Even if she wasn’t rude and a pain in the ass this would be a bad idea.
I can understand the feeling that you have to jump ship. It’s not fair for him to put this on you.
Have you talked to him about it?
Why did you marry him? Seriously, why? Do you love him? If you do, it’s worth trying to fix things.
If you want to be in this marriage, you have to tell him you snooped, what you saw, and how it made you feel. That’s how you try to move on, by communicating your feelings and needs. And talking about issues as they come up, instead of snooping and being silently upset at what you find.
If you can’t talk about things without arguing, you could invest in couples counseling. But you both need to want to make it work and be open with each other.
Have you told him this?
Yeah, I think it sounds like your marriage is not the best.
Why did you marry him?
I have some arm soreness, fatigue and body aches but pretty mild. My husband got his this morning. I cried at the overwhelming relief.
I can’t wait until we have a safe vaccine for kids.
