anonymousse
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JFC Corrine. Nothing will change because he doesn’t value you as an equal partner. You are beneath him, that’s how he views you, and women in general. He won’t let you work, or do anything because he doesn’t trust you. That’s hint #1 that he would cheat if given the chance. He doesn’t respect women.
He’s not a good father if he can’t discipline and teach his son to respect him.
So your breakdowns are because of this ex? Interesting. I thought he helped you throughout them? But he causes them?
And he gambles the money you do/did have.
How can you not see how bad this is, how much worse it can and probably will get?
Please listen to the chorus of people here, and in your actual life who are telling you to leave him.
Exactly what NS said. A father who is unemployed with no income at 43, who spends all day playing cards at a bar is totally the definition of a loser. Add a 23 year old gf to the mix and it just compounds the issue.
He’s gambling, I bet.
She’s not in a position to make any demands, because he controls everything. And she’s totally dependent and isn’t strong enough to see that she needs to leave.
I can’t even imagine why the ex is there all the time. She leaves her bf to parent her child (because he isn’t) at this mans house, instead of her own.
Why hasn’t she just taken her son home? Weird. All weird, all around.
Good luck, Corinne.
So you can’t pay rent, he’s out playing cards all day, the ex is there all the time…and I imagine with not being able to pay rent you are thisclose to being evicted.
You need to get a job, regardless of what he does or does not want you doing. What do you mean working alone (is he seriously this controlling?)?
You are not independent. You are totally dependent on an older man to take care of you an older man who has no income. Who doesn’t pay rent. Who is NOT in reality taking care of you!
The fucking Facebook thing is the least of your worries. Seriously.
He likes sexy girl pictures because he likes tits. And has no decency or reason to look like any sort of moral person to all of his Facebook friends.
Most heterosexual men like boobs, but most of them also separate that from their public social media accounts. Because it’s pretty gross and embarrassing to show the world what you are into, sexually, on social media.
You have NOTHING to lose by leaving. This is not a healthy relationship. He doesn’t trust you (probably projection!) controls all that you do, doesn’t respect you or your feelings, etc etc.
Good luck having children with this old dude who doesn’t let you work or respect you. Where are you going to find the money and stability for that?Ps. The reason none of those “whores” are living with him is because they can probably see what a dead end living with him is. Just saying.
You aren’t happy. I’m sure he did “save you” from a bad situation, but you are an adult, who can and should be supporting herself. You said yourself, you are all living off his savings, supposedly. What do you think is going to happen when the money is gone? Who will be the first to go? You aren’t family, or the mother to his child.
You are right therapy and counselors are expensive, unless you find one that accepts low income, no income, or sliding scale payments. There are even apps that can connect you with a counselor now. And considering your “breakdowns” you might have more fine tuned hotlines to call for advice and help.He will continue to like, friend and whatever else with young flirty accounts because it gives him a thrill, and he doesn’t care if it bothers you. He doesn’t respect you as an equal partner. I’m sure the sex is fun for him.
But really, what are you going to do when this is over? You need to start preparing yourself for that.
What was the issue and advice last time? I’m curious.
“He doesn’t cheat on me” shouldn’t be a selling point. You’re partner shouldn’t cheat, period. No one worth being with cheats on their partner.
The reason his kid doesn’t listen to you is you are young enough to be his sister. This relationship is unequal.
Why does she come over and stay there, overnight, instead of having the kid go to her house, or she go home at night? You have no say in what goes on in his home, because he views you as a child, and so does his wife-am i right? This is so weird.
Please, break up with him, and stop dating losers. That means, do not get into a relationship for awhile. Get a job and start taking care of yourself. You should not be in a relationship with a man twenty years your senior. I dated older men when I was young. It’s not because you are mature for your age, or an “old soul.” It’s because he wants someone who is young, damaged and subservient.
If you regularly have breakdowns, you need to see a counselor or a therapist, not an older man.
It’s your decision to stay in this dysfunctional relationship or leave and shoot for something better.
So why can’t the kid go to his moms house? How old is he and his child?
The common theme here is that you choose bad men for yourself. How much older is he?
As Wendy said, no man of quality that I know would have friended accounts like that, because it’s pretty gross and embarassing. You choose men who view women as objects to look at. You choose them. Something is off with the men that you are drawn to, or how you view yourself. What kind of breakdowns do you have? Are you seeing a doctor?
You sound dependent upon him, and very unhappy.
You need to work on building up your self esteem and confidence and learn to support yourself. Try being single and figuring out what you want in a partner. It will be hard, especially if you are unused to being alone or lonely. But it’s better to be alone, and independent than with someone whose behavior makes you feel bad about yourself, and who doesn’t respect you as an equal partner. Why is his ex over every night? Why doesn’t his child listen to you? It seems like he thinks or treats you like a child. That’s pure speculation, but that’s the feeling I get.
Break ups are hard, but every time you start to miss him think about that ONE time he paid for lunch and complained about it. He was using you. He said he didn’t even want to talk eggs/Easter with you because that’s for serious relationships.
It’s hard to be alone, but how much time have you spent on your own?
I think if you have not had much time being single (which your ten year relationship from 18-28 and two others in there somewhere leads me to believe) you should try to be single for a little while and discover what brings you happiness. Work on your own life, and what you want (other than a partner) and I believe that will help you determine a lot more quickly whether a guy you date is worth your time, actually brings happiness and joy into your life, or is maybe nice but also a bit of a sleazy grifter taking advantage of your time and generosity.It took you over a year for you to to see and speak up that he never paid for a meal for you-because you didn’t want to seem like a gold digger, and only one jerk comment mentioning that it’s whorish for women to expect a man to pay ever (which is bs) caught your attention. Think about that. You paid for all the dates, other than the few times you went Dutch. And you were worried about seeming like a gold digger. And meanwhile, your mom KNEW you were paying for everything. How did she know that? Talk to your mom.
You deserve better, and you can do better but you have to power through the loneliness to find a good partner. Stop settling for guys who aren’t right for you.
Good luck.
But didn’t you break up with him, Jade?
It’s nice to have a work crush. Unless it becomes consuming.
I agree with the hesitancy because of work, but I don’t think the lifestyle difference should put you off until you have dated a little while and it becomes an issue.
One ex of mine was obsessed with training and running, and would run right after work and pass out at 7:30 pm, EVERY night. I’m a night owl. I would try to tag along sometimes and he’d just get angry that I wasn’t as fast as he was. We had no relationship after awhile.
My husband, I met through work! And he is very active, but he gave me a chance to join him, goes at my pace, etc, and it was one of the first things I loved about him. We actually submitted a mountain together as friends, and I think I fell in love with him in the midst of all the accomplishment and endorphins.
