anonymousse
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Never.
Tina,
You’re starting to just seem more and more pathetic. I’m sorry for being so harsh, but it’s true. When you told him, it’s me or her, he told you he wanted a divorce. He’s already chosen her.Where’s the line? Do you need to catch him in the act? Would that be enough? Or would he just need to explain that it wasn’t what it seemed like, they were just playing naked twister? Would that convince you?
We’ve talked through all these pointless circles over and over again. The bottom line is he is a selfish, narcissistic asshole who does not care about you, your feelings, your loved ones or your life. He doesn’t want the same things in life that you do! You want children. He doesn’t. You want monogamy, and to be the most important person in his life. You are not.
You’re so young. You can leave and have a great life. But you have to stop being a naive, helpless woman and stake out on your own. He’s clearly not going to put you out of your own misery (metaphorically.) Do you have friends? Have you talked about this with them?
Is this really the same Tina who pays all the bills and home improvements but doesn’t have her name on the deed? Did you actually get your name on it or not?
Stop investing in a losing game. Your losing, Tina. He’s already moved on.
If he loved you, and you said, “Please stop spending time with her outside of work.” He would. He would cut the friendship off, even if it was just friendship- because your marriage is more important. This proves he doesn’t love you.
Remember when he said he wasn’t going to see her, and you caught him at that bakery or whatever? You know he’s lying. Stop lying to yourself at least. Don’t let another decade go by where you are unhappy and not getting what you want and need.
I’m sorry you’re in a shitty relationship with a man who cheats on you and doesn’t love you. It doesn’t have to be this way. You are the only one who can change your situation.
Wait, I thought of a way he could redeem himself- he could stop dating this other woman. He could stop all of that. But he won’t, because you’ve already asked him to and he told you to leave him if you weren’t happy. Remember that?
It’s over.
Good lord, just stop making excuses for him. He doesn’t see her as a guy. Just stop.
He doesn’t make plans with you and fills holes (ha!) with her. You’ve written in over and over again about how he’s disappeared for an entire night, getting home in the morning. Or how he told you he wouldn’t go out and then he did.
It’s easy for him to have an affair when you make up the stories to tell yourself for him! He barely has to lie to you.
Yeah, he could redeem himself, by being honest with you. At this point, I think the only reason he hasn’t left you is because he knows you are entitled to half if you get divorced.
What about what you want? A real marriage? A baby?
His resistance and disrespect come from his misogyny and narcissism. He doesn’t give a shit about how you feel. Just like he doesn’t even care to go through the motions of being pleasant to your family. He gives you less than the bare minimum and you’re happy as pie to have that. It’s really sad, Tina. Please actually get help for yourself. Contact a divorce lawyer.
If you believed him and trusted him, you wouldn’t be writing in every two days under a different name. You know he’s cheating. He’s cheated on you before and he’s still doing it. It’s clear he does what he wants, regard of how you feel about it.
Yes people can have friends. Married people can have opposite gender friends, but generally when you’re married you actually like to spend time with your partner and sometimes spend time with your partner and your friend at the same time. He is keeping you separate for a reason. You know that. There’s no way I’d put a friend before my husband. And you know he shouldn’t be putting her first, which is what he’s doing.
Stop being foolish. We know you don’t believe him or trust him. You are smarter than this. And you deserve more than this. You’re desperately trying to push down your intuition and gut feeling to save this broken relationship because you’re scared to take the necessary steps to start over. It’s scary. But it’s so much more fulfilling and happy on the other side. Trust me.
Oops double post.
JFC Tina. Please, pull up your big girl panties and leave him. You can either start anew, with the world as your oyster- or you can keep feeling smothered by his affairs and emotional abuse.
Move on. That’s the only option that is going to allow you to actually ever be happy.
I am contemplating getting that brush. Which brings my hot brush totals up to three.
Ugh, I love lasagna. And stuffed shells. Those are two of my favorite comfort foods that I rarely have because my kids won’t eat them.
Helen, I’m so sorry to hear about your and (everyone’s) struggles. We’re all going through massive grief, I believe.
I’m doing a lot better, virus wise. I’m still coughing, but I have been released into the rest of my house and it feels good to be around my family again. I’m actually afraid to go outside and have a neighbor hear me cough.
I’m super annoyed and angry with some of our family. I’m included on way too many group texts with people complaining that planned parenthood and abortions are still deemed essential and stupid opinions like that. And arguing about how wearing a mask is ridiculous, etc. One of my SILs goes to the store nearly everyday because she is bored and believes the rules don’t apply to her. She went on a weekend trip to a b & b like a week after we were ordered to shelter in place because she can’t handle being in her huge house with her two kids by herself. Which isn’t even true. She has her parents and siblings over at her place all the time. She dropped a daughter off at a friends for a night this weekend. It pisses me off that people are being so irresponsible! Why did I get sick, when I’ve been so careful? I know this complaint is dumb and petty, but I guess being bedridden for two weeks will do that to you.
She was probably drunk, but one night last week the same SIL was harassing me via text to get me to try harder to get tested because she was worried she’d gotten the virus from me and given it to her 90+ year old grandfather. I hadn’t even seen her! She’d picked up something she left at our house weeks ago. Before the virus hit. And she was text yelling at me to get tested, but acting irresponsibly. Aye, the nerve. She also been making fun of me before I got the virus for being “so strict” with my family. And is still doing the same things, like not practicing social distancing, going out of errands everyday. A doctor at the White House asked our state not to even go out for essentials for the next two weeks because the shit is about to hit the fan.
Thanks for allowing me to vent here.
Glad to hear, Helen. Take care. I hope you get better soon.
Helen, I would also like to encourage you to at least call your doctor. I’m hoping you get better soon. Take care of yourself, everyone.
I think I’m doing slightly better today. Coughing slightly less. Still hacking away, though. I had enough energy to clean my bedroom which was very satisfying. Then I ran out of energy.
